ALEX | a. hotchner (sequel to BLAKE)

28

"The sound of two shots being fired led us in the right direction, I was the first one through the door," Emily said. "She told me to get Spencer first, he was barely conscious at the time.. Timothy was already dead, the bullet shattered his heart."

"And what happened while Agent Hotchner was alone with Agent Blake?"

Emily narrowed her eyes in his, "are you trying to suggest something?"

"I'm only trying to get the whole picture."

"I don't know what happened after that," Emily shook her head, "the next time I saw her was at the hospital."

***

Aaron's heart was in his ears as he rushed to her. Alex was laying on her back, blood pumping from her wound.

"Is everyone okay?" She asked.

"Yes, Dave's vest saved him," Aaron answered as he took off his jacket.

"Oh, good," Alex breathed.

He tied his jacket around her wound as hard as he could.

"How bad is it?" She breathed.

"You've lost a lot of blood, but you'll be fine," Aaron said, struggling to meet her gaze.

Alex wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

"Lost blood?" She frowned, "no, I know exactly where it is, you're sitting in it."

"Now is not the time for jokes, Alex."

"Sorry, force of habit."

"Focus on your breathing," Aaron said, his expression serious and distant.

"Look.." she said quietly, "in case I don't make it-"

"You'll make it," Aaron said with a stern voice as he averted his eyes, unable to bear the weight of her words.

"Your threatening words are like music to my ears, Aaron Hotchner," she chuckled.

"Where is that damn ambulance?"

"It's okay," Alex said before coughing, "I've been shot before."

The crease between his eyebrows was deeper than usual and Alex raised a hand to smooth it out, committing every detail of his face to memory. So much strength remained despite the years of weathering.

"Will you please look at me?" She whispered.

"I can't.." he resisted.

With trembling hands, Alex reached up to cup Aaron's face, her touch tender and reassuring. He met her gaze then, his brown eyes were filled with a deep-seated fear as he searched for solace in her presence. She smiled gently at him, body shaking as she struggled to breathe properly.

"They're here."

Two medics bent down over her, one of them taking Aaron's place and putting pressure on her wound, a mask covering her nose and mouth. Alex's vision blurred but she could still make out Aaron's face in the distance, their eyes locked in a silent exchange.

"On three," one of the medics said.

Alex could hear her heart pounding as they transferred her to a gurney, her body tingling. Aaron was by her side as they pushed her out of the building, taking one of her hands. She could see him moving his mouth but the static noise in her ears drowned out his voice.

I love you. She saw him mouth.

***

The hospital waiting room was a whirlwind of emotions as the team was waiting. Spencer was stable and resting, but Alex was still in surgery. The atmosphere was tense, the air heavy with anticipation as everyone glanced anxiously at the double doors leading to the operating rooms, each passing moment feeling like an eternity.

Aaron was standing by the window with his hands in his pockets, his gaze distant and unfocused. In the midst of the chaos, the fear and doubt, Aaron's mind drifted to the moments of joy they had shared, the trials they had faced, the warm hugs.. the unwavering love.

"Aaron," Emily's hand on his shoulder pulled him from his reverie, "she's out of surgery."

He was breathing hard and fast, heart pounding in his chest, "and?"

"And she's in a coma," Emily said cautiously, she was crying, "but, Hotch.." she trailed off.

She was in a coma, she was alive.

"What?" He questioned.

Emily gave Derek a doubtful look, she knew she should be the one to break the news, but afraid it would destroy him.

"She went into cardiac arrest on the operating table.. she's brain dead."

He paused to connect the words. For a split second his mind went completely blank, he had nothing to say, nothing to feel, nothing to think. There were no words to describe the heaviness in his chest, the dizziness in his head. 

"Do you want to see her?"

He must have said yes because they were walking now, his body on autopilot. Aaron paused in the doorway, seeing her in the hospital bed almost made him believe she was alive. He took her hands in his and did the only thing he could do. He cried.

The team watched with tears streaming down their faces as Aaron clung to her. In his sobbing was the sound of a heart breaking. Hearts don't snap like brittle caramel or burst like an overfilled balloon. A heart breaks in heaving waves, it is entering a life they can't bear and so they break.

Emily put a comforting hand on his shoulder, placing a folded paper, a letter, on the bed in front of him.

"Penelope found this in her apartment, it has your name on it."

He looked up at Emily, chin quivering. The ache and devastation in his eyes actually took her breath away. He averted his eyes back to the woman he loved and saw the lifetime of pain she had suffered. At least now, she was finally able to rest.

"You lived your life in bold letters, Alex," he said gently, "I'll carry you with me, always, and I.. will never be the same after you."

They decided to leave him alone, then, to come to terms with what was happening. He sat back in his chair, leaned in closer and pressed his forehead against hers, willing her to feel his presence, to know that he was there. Aaron pressed a tender kiss to Alex's lips, pouring all his love and longing into one fleeting moment.

But you can't love someone back to life.