Illusion

Chapter 25

(Avery's outfit for the ball^)

Avery's POV

The line clicks and I stand frozen with the phone against my ear. My breath is caught in my throat and my eyes are wide.

I've been trying to talk to him all week. I don't know why I felt so guilty about Harry seeing me with Tristan. But I just knew that I needed to explain myself, no matter how it made me look.

I didn't expect him to call me though.

My mind replays everything that he said, turning his dialogue over and over again in my head. A masquerade ball? Tonight?

I'm not ready for this. I don't know if I'm ready to see him yet. I know I've been desperately trying to speak to him, but I don't know if I'm ready to actually be around him. I don't know if I can deal with another drastic mood swing that ends up having me cut off from all communication until he needs me again.

I know he's just doing a job, and the only reason he even has me around is to either protect me or use me. But I can't face spending time with a man that hates me so much he's just able to discard me when he sees fit.

I can't handle that sort of control from someone, especially someone I still hardly know. But do I even want to know Harry? He always seems like everything he does is so thought out, so calculated, that he never doesn't know what he's doing.

Me? I'm the total opposite. If I tried to plan my life, I'd be sorely disappointed. When I was little and tried to imagine what it would be like to have my wishful dreams come true, I always just ended up in tears, hidden under my bed covers.

My jaw sets as I think back to all the times I've been pushed around. All the times I've been used and abused.

I can't keep letting people walk all over me. I know that. But it's hard when everyone I've ever cared about has done exactly that.

I grit my teeth as my fingers fumble for my phone. Yes, I have to go tonight. But that doesn't mean I have to be timid and scared. It doesn't mean I have to cower away from something unknown. Or, at least not act like I'm scared...

I take a deep breath as I try and compose myself, my hectic thoughts running haywire in my head. I quickly text Maddie and Ivy, needing them to be here with me before I lose my mind. My chest feels constricted and I just know that if I focus any longer on tonight, on the potential of what could happen, I'm going to bring on a panic attack.

My phone pings in my hand and I look down at the small screen to see that Ivy and Maddie will meet me at my place.

A heavy exhale releases from my mouth, my lungs defleating in relief. I bring my hand up to my closed eyes, swaying lightly on my wobbly feet.

I leisurely check the time. 4:00 PM.

Come on Avery. I try to pull myself together, quickly clocking off and making my way towards the front door of the shop. I give Nikkie a small wave and grab my coat, stepping out into the cool late afternoon air and making my way towards the subway.

When I get home I force myself towards the bathroom, desperately needing to have a shower before tonight. I need to wash away all this anxiety and worry.

I spent the entire subway ride fiddling with my fingers, my sweaty palms sliding in and out of each other. My brain wouldn't stop working, my mind rapidly going over everything that could happen.

I shake my head to stop myself dwelling on anymore overthinking. Just concentrate on getting ready.

My eyes stare back at my reflection as I lean against the cool tile of my bathroom counter. My cuts have all healed, my bruises having faded, only a very light shade of yellow still staining my cheek. My shoulder still has a serious bruise covering my stitched skin, but it's healing quite quickly.