Love Me for Who I am - TwoSet Violin fanfic

Chapter 6

Eddy sits at his desk and ponders. He doesn't know where the sensation came from and why it came out of the blue. So, he thinks things through. He sets his head down on his folded arms and takes a deep breath. 

As he closes his eyes, the same very image of Brett Yang smiling in his sleep haunts him. It was as though he was in the other room near the man. He remembers the urge to thread his fingers through the older man's hair. He remembers the urge to sink down on Brett's bed and be held by him. He remembers the feeling just knocking in his heart, throwing the balance of his rhythmic heartbeat to an irregular mess. 

Suddenly, Eddy can't breathe when he imagines that he did all these things. He clutches his heart and he felt as though he was catching his breath. Could this only mean one thing?

"Am, am I in love with Brett?" 

He thinks as he feels his heart calm down a little. It skipped a beat but it is sure to come back to the right rhythm. He thinks about it with pain and even if it eased his heart, his mind keeps on hurting him. Reminding him that he simply cannot. 

His family will not approve of him loving the same sex, most importantly, they wouldn't like the fact that he's just a musician.

He loves this man so much but if he himself couldn't be accepted by his family wholly, then how was he going to be accepted as my lover? 

My parents already looked down on him when he decided to study music. How about if he was my lover? Are they going to degrade him for doing what he loves? He does not deserve the pain if all he did was be loved by Edward Chen. 

Yes, Chen. He despises the last name, and merely saying it tastes acidic on his tongue. Why wasn't he just born to a different family with no reputation to uphold? Why wasn't he free to love anyone? It's not like he isn't capable of becoming a CEO if he married a man. Him loving a man shouldn't matter, should it? 

Brett was everything that Eddy wanted to be. Edward Chen simply wants to lead a life like Brett Yang's. Where he was free to study his passion, love whoever he wants without the dictation of his parents and no reputation from the public's eye. Sadly though, everything that Eddy wants to be is not what his family wants or needs. 

He has a name, Edward Chen, Chen Weicheng, the only son of Paul Chen and Mary Chen, the next CEO of the company. He holds so many titles when all that he wants to be is Brett Yang's beloved.

If he were to hold so many titles, he wants to be Brett Yang's muse, lover, beloved, best friend, inspiration, duet partner and the one who he will spend the rest of his life with. The only title that Eddy wants to hold is to be Brett Yang's. The only last name that he wants is Yang. He just wants to be the biggest part of Brett Yang. 

A few tears had already fallen down his cheeks. He was already hesitating to accept the fact that he was in love with Brett Yang, but why is he bold enough to think about being with him if he cannot fight for it. 

Edward Chen is a coward. 

And he knows this as much as he knows that he loves Brett Yang. Such a shame that he simply couldn't fight for love, just because his family needs to approve.

So what Eddy does is he tries to imagine what it's like to be loved by Brett Yang.

Eddy imagines what it feels like to have his fingers intertwined with Brett's. To be in his embrace. To be able to lean his head on his shoulder, to card his fingers through his hair, to be able to live a life not needing anything, not needing anyone but him.

It didn't seem too far off, yet it felt so out of reach.

To see his smile everyday, to hear his laugh, to feel Brett in his own arms. To take him out on marvelous dates, to stargaze late at night, to play duets with him all day, to simply be with him. To exist in a world where only they exist. In their own little bubble. But it was a world that cannot happen. A world that was too distant, a world that was too unreal.

Eddy does not stop crying, his hands are getting numb and he can feel himself not breathing properly anymore. He was still resting his head on top of his desk. Much to his dismay, he fell asleep because he was tired of crying. 

He does not know it but Brett had always and always will love him.