𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 norenmin

3: emptiness

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HUANG RENJUN.

I'm right here.

My darling Jaemin, I'm right here next to you.

I can't stand to see you suffer.

I'm powerless as I watch my beloved Jaemin break down on a park bench, his voice message long forgotten as his chest heaves and his shoulders shake.

A runner passes by without a even a single glance in his direction, and I have no way of preventing the blinding pain pouring out of his eyes as he weeps over me yet again.

Just when I allow myself to faintly hope that he might let himself heal, he remembers me... and cries like he did on the night of my death.

It's not for lack of trying either; I have no way of knowing whether I'm visible to anyone.

After after being attached to Jaemin for three years, I came to the conclusion that I'm some type of entity that cannot be seen.

A ghost, perhaps.

If only I had a way of telling him that I'm alright and that he shouldn't still be suffering for me.

Whenever I had tried to touch him or move something to let him know I was there, I would feel myself plunging as if entering a black hole, and then I would end up on the other side of the house. It's no use trying to accomplish the impossible, I guess.

I wish he would take up the offers of support that people give to him. I wish he would call this "Jeno" person and maybe even make a friend.

But I know deep down he's never going to get out of the well he threw himself down. Not unless a miracle occurs.

NA JAEMIN.

I walk back home slowly, the dull light of my phone reflecting my sullen face back up at me. The sky is beginning to darken; the sun disappearing readily into her bed of clouds.

The only noise I can hear is the indefinite ringing in my ears, mocking me as I no longer have someone by my side to chat to. I don't even know why people bother with me anymore, I'm quite literally a lost cause.

That person probably gave me his number so he looks like a nice person. I doubt he actually cares.

That's all people worry about though.

As long as their reputation doesn't get hurt, they'll do as they please, without sparing a thought for anyone else around them. But god forbid if something might make them look like a bad person; then they'll care.

Is it genuine though?

If people can take advantage of others as easily as they can help them, is anything genuine?

If the universe gave me someone to love, only to take them away from me, is life itself genuine?

I'm fumbling with the lock on my apartment door, the rattling of the rusted keys echoing down the empty staircase. It takes all of my strength to force myself to shower before crashing down onto the mattress that always seems way too big without him.

Everything seems empty without him.

Because it is.

I'm sure if he were able to see me right now, he'd tell me to forget him.

He was always selfless like that.

But I can't. I just can't.

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