𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 norenmin

15: bittersweet memories of falling in love

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HUANG RENJUN.

I return to the kitchen to watch Chenle work, after sitting with my beloved for an hour or so.

It seems I was wrong about Jaemin coming across as closed off, as I can see he's already warming up to this person. I couldn't bare to stay sitting there beside him, as I figured Jaemin would want privacy if he knew I was listening.

It's hard to think of the idea of him with someone who isn't me. But this is for my own good, isn't it?

So I have to get past this for his sake.

All too quickly, memories resurface and I find myself wishing yet again that I was able to shed even a single tear.

Five seconds in and I know where this memory is set. As I close my eyes, letting the nostalgia wash over me, I bask in the faint remnants of Jaemin's laughter, thinking fondly back to the conversation we were having at that present moment - walking to our first date.

It had rained that afternoon, and neither of us were prepared. The plan was to walk a little way to a bike rental place so we could ride to the carnival, but as we walked it started to pour.

By the time we reached the rental shop it had closed, but this only made it more memorable. Here I was, walking alongside the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes upon, drenched from head to toe, yet grinning like a cheshire cat.

Nothing was ever dull when Jaemin was around. He was my light, my sense of purpose to direct me back onto the right path when nothing else seemed to make sense. From the second I laid eyes on him, I knew that I would love him until the end of time.

We walked for an entire hour in the rain, laughing at each other's jokes and the way our hair flopped over our eyes like a wet mop.

It was then that I realized I truly couldn't be happy without him. I would stay with him even when he didn't need me anymore.

Never did I imagine that I would be the one to leave him first.

Not when I promised him that day.

Upon finally reaching the carnival, we glanced at each other with some kind of unspoken agreement, before racing towards the teacup ride. I'll never forget the way his eyes shone as if they held the entire universe within them, playful and spirited as we spun around and around.

At first I tried to blame the stupid ride for making me dizzy, but deep down I knew it was the boy right in front of me who was the cause.

I was under his spell, his every action sparking a feeling inside of me as if it were an enchantment. When I looked at him, nothing else mattered.

The light was slowly fading by the time we'd tired of chasing each other onto different rides, trying (and failing miserably) to win each other prizes, and buying the weirdest looking food we could find.

I followed as he ran into the paddock next to the fairgrounds, admiring the way he glowed in the evening sunset. I could never get tired of seeing the way his entire face lit up when he looked at me.

The way we looked at each other.

If only this world were perfect; I wouldn't be looking back on this knowing it could never happen again.

Suddenly it clicks, and although it hurts I understand what I have to do.

I have to tell Chenle to get Jeno to take Jaemin to a carnival. Hopefully he'll remember it and think of me one last time, even though it's selfish of me to wish for such a thing.

I guess all I can do now is wait for them to get closer to one another, and make sure that his first date with someone else is just as special and memorable as ours. It's time to let go and think about what's best for my lover.

Be with him, Jaemin.

Please forgive me for giving you up so easily to another. Please be happy again.

It's my only wish.

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