𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 norenmin

4: it should've been me

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HUANG RENJUN.

I wander through the house for a while, before returning to Jaemin's side.

He always looks like an angel when he dreams and tonight is no different from the first.

I spend hours alternating between walking around and lying next to him, whispering words of love that he cannot hear. He smiles though, a sight I never witness when he's awake.

Not anymore, anyway.

I feel myself tearing up at the mess I've left behind and for the millionth time I pray to any god there is to just let him see me. Just one more time.

The tears refuse to fall; another punishment I have to suffer as I sit in between the worlds of the living and the dead.

If only the driver had seen me pulling out of the parking lot... I might have survived the crash.

I never even got to say goodbye.

I was already gone when Jaemin called his brother. I was in the room with him when he paced back and forth with worry.

I tried everything. I tried to scream. I tried to throw things at him. I even rammed myself into the walls.

Nothing.

It was like I wasn't even there; because really, I wasn't.

I watched as my lover turned on the local news, still on the phone to Donghyuck. The phone that he dropped as the first headline flashed before his eyes.

"Breaking news. A twenty-year-old man was hit by an intoxicated driver as he pulled out of the car park outside his workplace. The victim was later identified as Huang Renjun, a man very much loved by family and friends. He is currently in Gangnam Severence Hospital in a critical condition..."

As soon as he heard the location it was like he snapped out of his shocked daze. And then, he looked terrified.

I was pulled alongside him as he ran to his car. He drove so recklessly I worried he would end up like me.

And my heart ached for him. For I knew I was dead. He still had hope.

That all shattered once he saw my body.

I watched over Jaemin for hours as he cried for me. I tried to cry, but discovered I couldn't. So I just apologised over and over again in the hopes that he might feel my presence in the room with him.

What really broke my heart were the words he kept repeating over and over again, long after the doctors told him I had stopped fighting for my life.

"It should've been me."

"I wish it was me."

Though I never heard him say those words again after that night, I knew he thought of them every day.

I watched as he grew apart from all of his college friends, until even his brother wasn't able to reach him.

Jaemin shut every single person out of his life because he didn't want to be pitied.

And I couldn't do a thing.

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