Moments: A BWWM Short Story Collection

XX. Escalation (Pt. 4 of 4)

A new song began to thunder over the loudspeakers, its heavy bass rippling my drink as I stared down at it. Once again, I tried to lose myself in the moment, to allow the toe-tapping party beat to carry me away. But it was no use, the weight remained.

I peeked over my shoulder back into the penthouse, awash with neon light and a celebratory atmosphere that only made me more thankful I'd found the privacy of this balcony. The evening breeze was my only companion out here, and its gentle caress across my white suit was infinitely preferable to the misery that awaited inside.

Why did it have to be Tabitha? Why couldn't it have been one of the other women who looked at me with starry eyes and told me they loved me? That would at least make sense. But no, I had to realize that strange feeling I got when looking her over in that perfect black dress was the throes of jealousy.

Part of me didn't care that Tabby was getting ogled at right now, but it was a very small part that was being smothered more and more by the fragile monster within. I'd done everything to push that monster back inside me, to deny it and the feelings it told me I had for Tabitha were there. Because if I didn't, that meant I had to come lean with myself, to admit that I'd spent the better part of my life in denial.

Where had it all gone wrong? When had I decided that spunky, gap-toothed girl had to be my worst enemy instead of my best friend? Why had I let my ego get in the way of what could've been a lifetime of happiness?

A fleeting image passed before my eyes. Tabitha was lying next to me, heavily pregnant as she stroked my face with her hand. But that dream vanished as soon as it had appeared, a haunting past that never was and a future that was quickly slipping away. I knew it wasn't too late for it to be; but only if Tabitha was willing to join me in it.

I clutched at my head as I shook. I couldn't bring myself to ask her, and yet I feared the burning in my chest would consume me if I let this night pass in silence. I was one of the richest, most powerful men in the world, and yet as I stood there overlooking the city lights below, it suddenly felt meaningless.

I'd give it all up to have that summer day back. I'd throw away any amount of money, any position of power one could name just to return to that one moment and tell Tabitha the truth. I didn't fight her because I hated her, I fought her because I wanted to impress her. If only I hadn't let the thrill of victory cloud my mind, if only I hadn't lost sight of why I'd started in the first place, things wouldn't have escalated.

And maybe, just maybe... her and I might have turned out differently.

The music grew louder for a moment as the doors swung open, only to fade to dull thumping as they closed again. I gave another casual look over my shoulder, and my heart skipped a beat to find Tabitha walking towards me.

"Ugh, it is loud in there." she said as she took the spot next to me on the railing. "You got a good idea for once coming out here, Mr. Baby."

I gave my glass a swirl as she took a sip from hers, trying and failing to get my numb tongue to form words. There had to be something I could say, anything I could say, to get her to understand the emotions wrestling for control deep inside me.

"So what; you're still too mad to talk to me?" Tabitha growled.

I leaned my head down, letting my hair obscure my face as I grasped for words. I couldn't let her see my eyes, I couldn't let her in or I'd lose everything.

A minute came and went, and Tabitha finally deflated with a sigh.

"Listen, I've been thinking... maybe it would be better if we just... y'know, stayed out of each other's business from now on." she said slowly. "We had a good run of things, but we can't keep this up forever, Eric. We'll just... call it a tie."