Moments: A BWWM Short Story Collection

XXV. Downpour

I watched the droplets crawl down the window beside the bed, a never-ending downward stream that I'd been following for the last few hours. I adjusted my head on my stack of pillows, and the rubbing of lace against my curly hair only served to remind me that I hadn't bothered to put on my headscarf before I'd crawled back into bed.

Given how fragile my hair was, it should've bothered me that I wasn't taking the usual precautions; just like it should've bothered me that I didn't go in to work today. But all I could feel was the dull emptiness that had welled up in me this morning, the sudden realization that I'd become locked in a suffocating daily routine with no hope of escape.

I should've known I wasn't ready to go off my depression medication. My therapist had warned me that it was still too early to be sure and I should go down on the dosage for the next six months just to be safe. But I'd gained over thirty pounds since I'd gone back on it, and even though Caleb told me he didn't care how much I weighed, I knew I had to start losing weight for swimsuit season.

Then my manager had dumped a huge project on my team at work, and my car had broken down and forced me to take the bus, and I'd turned back to ice cream to cope with the pain. I shot up another five pounds instead of losing it, and that just lead to a negative cycle of stress and shame that culminated in today.

Thunder rolled in the distance, and I rolled my head over to wipe my misty eyes on the topmost pillow. I just couldn't face going in today, and I knew there would be consequences for not going in when my team needed me the most. The worst part was not knowing exactly what form those consequences would take, or when they'd strike.

There was a sudden knock on the door of my apartment, and I glanced up at the clock on my nightstand. 3:37... had to be a package. Oh well, back to self-loathing.

"Jessika! Jessika, it's me, open up!"

Lightning flashed through my heart as Caleb's deep tones filtered through the walls. I hadn't bothered to get dressed, and as my boyfriend, I'd given him a spare key to my apartment. I tried to spring out of bed, only to be tangled up in the sheets and flop to the floor as Caleb called again. I managed to pull an arm free as I yelled back.

"Now isn't a good time, Caleb! Just leave me alone!"

Unfortunately, my other arm wasn't so easy to shake loose, and I slammed my head up against my nightstand as I thrashed. The lamp tottered and fell with a crash as I cradled my head, and I heard Caleb fumbling with his keys.

"You okay?! Talk to me Jess, what's going on in there?!"

"I'm fine! "I'm... just go away, Caleb!" I shouted.

But of course, my kind to the point of stupid boyfriend wouldn't leave until he'd confirm that I was indeed "fine." I heard the door unlock, followed by the crinkle of grocery bags as his heavy feet trod the carpet of the entryway. I thought of the water he was likely tracking in, and my anger flared as I pulled my other arm loose.

"Augh! Can't you listen to directions?! I said I don't need visitors today! I just-!"

I gasped as I pulled my head up, only to feel a sudden tug and a ripping sound. I turned to find a huge clump of my curly black hair know hanging from the crack I'd formed in my old nightstand, easily big enough to ruin my current do.

It was at that moment of realization, still half-dressed and bound up in the sheets, that Caleb opened the door to my room.

"I heard a crash, are you-?! Oh! Oh... that... wow..."