𝚐𝚊𝚢𝚖𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕

𝕒𝕝𝕪𝕤𝕤𝕒

Ally couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned, changing her position every thirty seconds. Nothing felt comfortable to her. Her blankets, which used to feel safe and inviting, now suffocated Ally, and her soft pillow was a brick. It didn't help that her mind was racing. She so desperately wanted to turn off her brain, turn off her feelings.

But she couldn't, so she did the next best thing.

Slipping in her earbuds, Ally went to Spotify and her playlists, clicking shuffle on the one she had created for this exact purpose.

Teenage Mind was the first song to play. It seemed ominous to Ally, like it was warning her of something bad to come. She shook off the feeling, shivering slightly, despite the heat spreading across her body. While the lyrics were smooth and melodic, Ally still couldn't stop her thoughts. They filled up her mind, frantically buzzing around, until she gave up on trying to stop them.

In the complete darkness and safety of her own room, Ally laid on her bed and took a deep breath. She held it, counting to four, then let it out with a long exhale, counting to three. The breathing exercise, taught to her by her therapist, caused a wave of calm crash over her. Regulating her breathing was what centered Ally, what kept her brain from spiraling out of control. She repeated it once, twice, three times more, before stretching her arms above her head with a contented sigh.

The song now playing was Dreamland. There was an almost mystical feeling to it, similar to, well, a dreamland.  It echoed through her ears, and Ally smiled when the chorus came on. Normally, she would be singing along, but she didn't have the energy to. Hanging out with Rae for most of the day had drained Ally. Not that she minded, being near Rae sent a rush of adrenaline through her body, and touching her, that was a whole new sensation to Ally.

Just their hands brushing together for less than a second sent sparks of electricity up her arm. And when they hugged, it felt like she was floating on a cloud, wrapping her arms tightly around Rae and melting into her embrace. Hugging Callie or any of her other friends didn't feel that same. Sure, it made Ally happy, but it wasn't near the level of joy that she got from hugging Rae.

Ally blushed when she thought of last night, about twenty four hours ago, the two cuddling. She ignored the regret she felt for moving away from Rae when she woke up. It was just her immediate reaction, to remove herself from the situation. She was afraid, afraid that if Rae woke up and found herself in Ally's embrace she'd be uncomfortable and weirded out.

It didn't occur to her that Rae had been the one to cuddle up next to Ally.

Are You Bored Yet? now played. One of Ally's favorite songs. The lyrics were peaceful, with a slightly energizing beat in the background. Normally perfect for this sort of situation, lulling Ally into a deep sleep, but something was off tonight. She ripped off the gray comforter, not caring about the cold air that sent chills down her now bare legs.

Ally knew exactly what was off. She wasn't missing something, she was missing someone.

Opening up her most recent text conversation with Rae, she hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard. How can she start the conversation? A simple 'hi' would be a bit random for a message at 1 am. But Ally couldn't quite explain to her why she was actually texting Rae.

Her motivation for doing so was that interacting with Rae, in person or on a screen, instantly brought a sense of calm and serendipity to Ally. How could she explain that to Rae, how her eyes light up every time she received a message from her, how the words just seemed to flow whenever she was talking to her.

'Hi, I'm texting you because you'll help me fall asleep and I miss you' was too forward.

Just as Ally was about to close the app and turn off her phone, going back to her wandering mind and useless songs, a text bubble appeared.