Since 4 days ago, Ive been thinking on what to do.
Where to start and what to write.
I log in here for couple of times just to log out again and do nothing.
I just had a supper. I dont even take dinner regularly. But tonight I just feel like I want to eat something.
Get off from the bed to my kitchen.
Take out english muffin that I make last week, or maybe last two weeks I cant remember exactly a breakfast sausage and a salty mushroom taste named as cheese chicken frankfurter which I cant really taste the cheese. Marketing won product quality failed. Then I take out some leftover coleslow I make last week and a spoon of blackberry jam. You got it right, english muffin should be eat with grape jam as what I always had with Mcd's big breakfast, but yah I can't find any here. So because the colour looks alike then we just consider it as the same.
I live far in a rural area where the only place I can get things I craving for is from my own kitchen by my own. Thanks to Shopee founder for make my life easier. As for now, they are my lifeline to get all the ingredient and stuff. Tell you what I even get some kind of flour and even cheese from them. My bad because my cravingness getting wild day by day.
Last Saturday I make nasi lemak. Living on my own and cook nasi lemak with such hustle bustle which lead me to have the same nasi lemak for 4 days straight. It is ridiculous to not have nasi lemak at least here in this area, cheese, rye flour and gherkins pickle are acceptable, but none of it fit my palate. Maybe Im some kind of fussy picky eater. I'll take that.
Back to my supper story. I cant really understand my appetite these days. My sleeping routine is out of place too. Yeah Im some sort of mess. Ah ya last week I was trying to make sourdough starter but it get to waste, maybe it is the weather or maybe my flour, and my rye flour just delivered today so I don't have enough quality flour to feed my starter. But its okay I'll start it again. I already had a name for it. And I would like to call it Jonah. It's not Jonah like Joyah. It's a character from a book I finish recently. I always name my stuff over character from my favourite books. Ali, Pacai, Gibran, yada yada.
Today, I ordered KFC delivery for my parents. I miss them. Giving everything to my family are the only reason for me to keep going, to stay and living. I take a break from my social circle, ghosting and withdrawing from people. I need sometimes to keep my self calm. To find way out, to make peace with everything.
I have too much in plate. I need to discard some of them. Things, and maybe people.
Time to move on.
Oh ya, tomorrow I think about making smashed burger. Can't wait!
