VANTABLACK

7.

Flare-Bump of Chicken

Hi there, what a hectic yet delightful day. Finally, I managed to cook my own Nasi Kandar. What a proud moment. I can never win over the pure penangite Nasi Kandar but I won't be craving to sleep while watching all about Nasi Kandar on Youtube anymore. At least, fit my taste. Thanks to one of my closest sister who taught me how to make my first curry. In many dishes in this world. From Japanese Sushi, Italian Pizza and all those artisan bread there's no other dishes that scared me as Malaysian dishes. It is scary, confusing and tricky. I rather make bread everyday, it just need flour, yeast and water. Than Malaysian dishes with their hundreds one spices. But I can't run away forever. There's time when I've been  missing home and it's food. Living alone far from modernism force you to do lotsa thing on your own.

So, for today I spend 3/4 day in my kitchen. From prepare the ingredients to clean up the kitchen. It took hours to complete the dish but only few minutes to dig in and clear the plate. This is what people said the taste of your effort. It was delicious. I planned to prepare materials for Tuesday lessons but I'm too tired to move. Tomorrow I will have full day online workshop. We'll see how I will arrange my schedule tomorrow. I think I can slip in during the workshop. I should complete all those by evening. At night I need to work on my thesis.

Books I ordered last Tuesday had arrived. Sophie's World, The Little Prince and The Alchemist. All threes are about philosophical views that being brought out in fictional form. I have read few philosophy books but I think I enjoy it more in form of story. Easier to relate.

Now, I will finish the last sequel of Letters to God first. Wish to finish today if not will continue next day. I should stop and get to sleep by 12.00 a.m or I'll be late for tomorrow. Ah damn. Need to work again. But I love the money over all.

A week since triggering event where I go ghosting again. God knows how hard it was to fight your own demon. To get calm. A small thing might cause huge damage. If I can say, Letters To God series give a huge amount of help at this moment. Now, I'm trying to think about now, then let tomorrow and yesterday be where they should be. This one tough thing to do, but for now or forever, I can't get out and free if I'm not trying. Start doing. I will fall again, the same or worse than before, even if today is the only day that I can make my self happy again, it worth to fight for.

I told you that I update my status and soc med again right? To get a glimpse of who is there. Just few. One or two. I cherish those precious souls. And yeah, I know where I stand and I'm good on my own. I will be okay. It's okay. Time to move. On. In this lonely bushy road not taken. It's okay, remember. I'm used to it. I just need to make it clear to my mind and my heart. That it's okay fighting the battle on my own. Fall seven time stand up eight.

Got to go... to my dearly book. See you later. Take care.

Oh ya, happy valentines my self. I love you. Take care. Everything will be fine one find day. It's okay.

...
Do you ever believe or hear a theory about having just one last page or chapter while reading is a lie? Same goes to movie?

I do and I did. Just now. I target to stop at page 100 but it's still early to stop. Then I adding up to page 150. But the page stop at the middle of chapters so I need to continue to end the chapter then end up reading another chapter because I need to find the answers for questions from the past chapter, and I can't stop before the chapter ends. I stopped at page 179, I thought I should make it to 180 but, No! It's 12.30 already. If I continue after that I might end up stay awake for the whole night finish it up. So I closed the book put aside and switch off my lamp.

But now I'm here writing all these. Actually something cross my mind while reading the book. The books can be put as a romance but the setting, plot, point of views and the messages that being put into the story is about Islam as a way of life. I'm not the one who favour so called Islamic love book as I find it cringeee. But I love the vibes from this book. The writer has similarity in approach with Hlovate. Except the writer didn't highlight on music as Hlovate did which is understandable. How I miss Hlovate and other JS writer.

Back to the vibes of the story, I feel like to share about something from my point of views. But I guess this might be a longgg writing so how about tomorrow? We will talk about this. From the deep of my heart sincerely to share about religion and my views on it. How this books soothe and give me affirmation somehow. Well to tell you shortly I am one of the long lost wanderer. Attending Islamic School is not a guarantee that you will be save from doubts on your belief.

So see you tomorrow. Bye.