Hi, remember about the book I talk about yesterday? I woke up late today. Which is very bad of me. I do really need to work on my sleeping routine. I plan to settle all my NGO's thingy. Documentations, letter, text, notification yada-yada. But I woke up late. So, I decide to read, and I plan to read a hundred pages in one go. I get distracted a lot, then I make it down to 50 pages. And now I'm on page 152. So I need to stop and start to clear all my pending works.
It's been a week since I start ghosting, again. I do text few people I closed to so they don't have to worry about me. To tell you the truth. I'm actually take my self away from someone. Someone whom I desperately looking for attention. Before this I write elsewhere just to make him notice and respond. Actually having him seen the updates were more than enough. But lately, because of my current situation at work I seem out of control, I talk like a lot of nonsense things, and eagerly waiting for some response from him which is ridiculous. I can't find my truly self, am I seriously mean what I wrote or I'm just some pathetic attention seekers. Yeah I know I'm ridiculous. It's been 7 years already. The longest time I ever longing for someone.
So please, don't mind me. I'll write here instead. Now, I need to make a move. Settle my things. I want to write about something else while reading just now, I thought I could write after I'm done with my reading, sadly it goes away to the thin air. See you later.
...
11.08 at night.
Hey you, I gotta write this down first before I put the day off. I get my first meal of the day at 8.00 pm worh yesterday's fried rice left over, frozen fried chicken and fried egg. Gosh how unhealthy my meals was. But it's fast, easy and full filing.
After Isyak I take a short nap, to wake up with work notifications, haih. Being asked twice to attend full day online workshop. At evening I've got the notification from my boss, I already did join the group they asked me for. And late night another notification by second boss. I'm irked. I should being of for holidays but yet getting notification from works.
Second was from another organisation I work with. I should be clear about how I work with my schedule. I have my clear block of working phase. It is needed for my mental health. I don't cramp everything. I hate sudden or short notice. Messing with my schedule and my pace.
It's raining right now. I love the sound and smell. I love the sense. Makes me calm and safe. I had passed my 100 pages target for today. But decide to keep reading I need to finish this book and continue with the next.
Did I told you about someone I've been waiting for silently for 7 years long? I read on this book about a conversation between Sarah and his father. She asked how will she find a husband if she don't mixing and get a boyfriend. And her father said, Allah already have someone for her, be nice to HIM and HE will grant you what is the best for you.
I know all these while I'm not being religious enough. I keep blaming things around me. I knew it where to turn to but I keep on turn my back away. This dissatisfaction and doubts keep piling up inside. Maybe it's time for me take a step back and make peace with everything I have.
Rain getting heavier, I love the sound like seriously damn in love. So let me enjoy my book and this precious moment on my bed with every drops of water. See you again later.
