Hidden

Sad Truth

A part of me actually believed he would be the one I married. He was so sweet. So gentle. So Caring. So everything I fancied in a guy. It's been 8 months since our breakup. I'm happy though. I mean I didn't take the breakup well and began hating myself but I got passed that.

Now we go to school together just like before but he doesn't look at me as much as he used too. I remember always loving to find his eyes glued to mine. Now they are just memories buried in the back of my mind. It's strange sometimes. Sitting in class with him. Pretending that we never shared a connection. Pretending that we never kissed passionately in my bed. It's good though. I mean I don't like how things ended but deep down I know it was for the best. I remember that it hurt. Typing that long text with words I meant but never wanted to say because I was afraid he would leave. Which he did . But it was for the best I just didn't know it then.

Honestly is good but hurts like hell. I knew it wasn't going to work out. I knew I had lost him the minute he told me about his feelings for my bestfriend.

I remember it so clear too. I could sense something was wrong that whole day. He was just acting so strange. So distant. I felt like he didn't want me but I knew he was just finding a way to tell me without shattering my heart into pieces. Little did he know that my heart was already shattered & he was the one helping me put the pieces back.

He was so nonchalant about it like it wasn't a big deal. When he told me he dreamed of kissin someone else, I felt pain. Real ache in my chest that I couldn't control. I didn't want to feel this way. People say we control how we feel but this, this I couldn't control it. It stung like a bitch but I had to accept it. Then after saying it was my bestfriend he dreamt about & that he got feelings for her. My heart felt like it was being punched. Over & over. By him. It hurt. It hurt so damn much & nothing he did would make it stop. On the way back I laid in his lap & held back my tears. He would caress my back but it didn't help. I just felt lies. When he touched me I felt lies. His hands used to be so warm & soft now they just feel like thick ice, burning my skin from frostbite. If he really loved me like he said so, he wouldn't have gotten feelings for her. I should of known a part of me knew but didn't want to admit it. The way he would always be all ears when she's speak. The way he looked at her sometimes but I just kept telling myself that he's with me. So he wants & loves me. But I was wrong . I knew he loved me but he just didn't want me. After a few days, he told he loves me & wants me so I stayed. Such a fool I was. I was only stepping into a plane filled with snakes. Waiting to be bitten.

I wanted so bad for him to tell me that he was such an idiot. That he could never admire another girl. That I was the only one for him. I was over my head though.