Through The Dark

Chapter 20

Little rant about the song. It's I think I'm gonna kill myself by Elton John. Personally I think it very well describes the mindstate of a suicidal person. But let me tell you, it is NOT the solution. Trust me...things will get better. Maybe not now, but surely later. Hope you enjoy!!

Liam's POV:

Smiles and happiness. That's all was being radiated from Emmy during these past few days. She never gave me the details, but she did tell me that the date was perfect. Even Nathan had called me to tell me about it. The excitement in his voice was enough to tell that it was a huge success. Just two days after that, they made it official. Things were going on just perfectly for these two and that was all I wanted. Before, it was just Em's happiness that mattered the most to me, but now it was even Nathan's. It was not just because he was her boyfriend, but also because he deserved it. Both of them have been through so much, much more than I have ever been and so they deserve all the good luck and happiness that the world can give them.

It may seem like a very minor thing for others, what seems to be a major thing for me. Seeing your sister smile, hearing her laughter, feeling her happiness, they are all minor things. Just very minute things. But it is these little things which matter to me. For any other person, if their sister won a competition or ran a marathon, that was an achievement. But not for me. For me, the biggest achievement that Emmy could ever achieve was to smile and just be happy. I am not expecting her to be her old self, I have accepted the fact that she is long gone. But to be able to see her smile...that wasn't a huge expectation, was it?

Around us we see many things, small things which we fail to notice, until they are gone. We fail to truly appreciate the beauty of all the vivid colours, all those beautiful shades, until our sight is snatched from us. We fail to truly enjoy the melodious voices around us, fail to truly appreciate the joy of hearing things, until our sense of hearing is snatched from us. Ask a colourblind person or a blind person about what they would feel, if they could see the world for just one day. Ask a deaf person what they would likely be feeling, if they could hear for just one day.

In a very similar way I never truly appreciated the beauty and importance of Emerald's smile, until I had lost it. I never truly appreciated the majesticity of the sparkle in her eyes, until it was gone. Whenever she used to smile before, I would think it was a natural thing. Nothing out of the blue. But it is only later that I realised this: even when she smiles, she puts in effort. And a lot of it. Even smiling is not natural, not to you, not to me. It isn't natural to anyone.

Nowadays, whenever Emmy smiles, I mentally click a picture of it. I save it in my memory in order to relive that moment as many times as I want. Because I don't know what the future holds, for both her and me. I don't know what may happen or what may go down. And, God forbid, if something does happen by which Em looses her smile, I want to make sure I have enough memories to keep my sanity. And also to help her smile again. But now, that task isn't so hard. Now, I have someone else with me, who makes her smile, like really smile. A person, who became her knight in shining armor, her wings-giver, her saving grace, her Prince.

Nathan.

Nathan's POV:

Standing on the edge, the numbness settled in my toes and thoughts clouded my brain. My entire body was aching from the day's beating. But that was not the reason why I was standing here, ready to give up, with a cigarette in one hand. No that's not it. The reason is the unwillingness of life and fate to give me answers to my questions. The thing is, I could handle any amount of physical pain inflicted upon me because that pain eventually does go away. But what about the mental pain? That doesn't go away, no matter how hard I try...and I tried. But finding no avail, I just decide to quit. Because that is the only way to relieve myself from this misery, this hell that I have been living in for so long.

I don't understand, why does he do this? What joy does he get in doing this to me? I mean I get it that he is angry that my mum and brother are dead, but is that really my fault? Was it? I don't know. Or maybe deep down I did know the answer. It really wasn't my fault. But who was to tell this to my brain, my dad? I wanted closure, more than anything. Just peace and closure. And I knew that I wasn't going to get that on this planet. Because no matter where I went, my past would always haunt me.

My thoughts drifted to Em, but this time I pushed them away. I felt guilt and regret crawl upto me when I thought of her. The more I thought of her, the more I started to feel bad. But this time I chose to be selfish. I wanted to end my misery, was that too much to ask? If yes, then I gladly accept the fact that I was selfish. People say that suicide is not an option. They are telling the truth. It's not an option, because it is the solution. Ending this suffering, feeling peace at last, these thoughts brought a smile to my face. Even though my whole body was aching, my heart had now found peace. This will end. It will all end. Just a few more moments.

I knew what kind of a death I wanted for myself. All those sleepless nights were spent fantasizing it. A painless one, which would quickly send me into the abyss of peace. The kind of death where I could feel myself fall, where I could make a joke of it all. I took a step further. My left leg was now dangling off the edge. By estimating the height, I knew that this would be easy, quick and painless. I was about to put my other leg forward as well, but something happened.

A hand stopped me.

(A/ N) :Hey guys. So this is the 20th chapter. Holy damn! What was up with Nathan? Do you think he was doing the right thing? Was that the only option he had left? What did you think about Liam's thoughts? Who could be that person who held his hand? Let me know your thoughts.

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Happy reading!!! :)