The Empty Space Next to Me

Chapter 15

The next morning, he has an early breakfast alone in the kitchen. He hasn't had much sleep and his meal consists of a strong cup of coffee and an apple. He first wandered into the area where her bedroom is and sort of lingered behind her door for a few minutes until he eventually walked on.

To his surprise, he recognizes her silhouette sitting outside. He should have known she would have an early morning. When he steps through the glass door the sun has barely arisen; the sky is still colored pink and warm orange.

He walks down to the pier by the lake.

Kat is gazing at the horizon, ironically sitting on the very bench where he mourned the news of her loss.

"Can I join you?" he asks.

Her eyes remain locked on the scenery before her. "Yes," she answers softly.

He sits beside her and gazes ahead. It hits him now how beautiful the view is he who had dreaded this place for months. Sitting by her side, now he can contemplate and see the beauty of the landscape.

He begins to gather the words he wants to say but she has already anticipated it.

"I'm not mad at you," she comments coolly, eyes fixed ahead. "I just had to say my piece before you said something we would both come to regret."

"So you don't want to hear me say it?" he asks.

"Not yet. Not until you are absolutely sure the person I am now —that I have become — is the one you are after." After a pause, she closes her eyes and adds: "You know, I've really tried to remember — for me, of course — but also for you. I know how much it means to you to get Natasha back but after learning more about the Infinity Stones here, I realize it cannot be undone."

She turns to look at him and her expression is tristful, apologetic. "It can't, Steve. And I am so sorry you have to go through losing Natasha again. But after this couple of days, I know I can't be her. I can't bring her back to you."

His eyes fill up with tears. Tears for Natasha and tears for her which blend together in a sullen haze.

She runs her hand over her cheek, wipes away a tear she has just shed.

"It's not your fault," he answers. "I never should have made you feel like you were inadequate...because you're not. And I'm sorry our visit here wasn't insightful."

"It was," she answers, clearing her throat and putting on a smile. "I like it here. And the mission was a new kind of thrilling I had never felt before — it felt good. I understand who I was and why I was that person better. I relate to her now."

There is a content grin playing on her lips. She then looks down and rubs her hands over her thighs. "But I also know this isn't my world anymore," she continues. "I miss Eliza and I miss the guesthouse."

She wrinkles her nose sheepishly like someone embarrassed to confess their guilty pleasure.

He reaches for her hand and squeezes it with a tender smile. "I miss it, too."

She cocks an eyebrow. "Really?" she beams.

He nods. "Really."

He stands up, glances one more time across the lake then turns to her, stretching out his hand. "Let's get you home," he says.

She wraps her hand around his and gets up. His lips delicately capture hers and he is filled by the soothing certainty all is right.

The following afternoon, they are in Louisiana. Sitting at the dinner table, next to each other — Eliza at the head — they eat dinner and smile at each other in unison both knowing in their heart it feels like they are back home.