The Empty Space Next to Me

Chapter 9

After that conversation, things changed without really changing. They still talk and have banters but the lingering silences make her uncomfortable, make her hastily walk away. However, the major change is Jake. Steve hardly sees him around anymore — he usually waits for her or drops her off down the path behind the trees. He thinks that is her thoughtful attempt not to shove her relationship in his face now that she knows his feelings are more than just friendly.

"I think I made a mistake," he tells Eliza as she watering the plants in the patio. Somehow, he feels like confiding in. "With Kat."

She puts the watering can down on the table and turns to him.

"She knows there was more than friendship between us," he explains. "And now I fear I might have scared her away for good."

"If you suspected that could push her away indeed then why tell her?" Eliza says.

"Because she asked." He rubs his temple. "I can't not be truthful with her. I can't. We're honest with each other."

"When you say we, do you mean you and Katherine or you and Natasha?"

He eyes her closely. "Are you saying I shouldn't always tell Katherine the truth because she and Natasha are different people?"

"Are they?"

He bites his bottom lip. "I don't know. I mean, I sometimes see Natasha in her — not because I'm projecting hopes or expectations — but I catch a glimpse of her." He often finds her in a smirk, in her incisive humor; and sometimes he sees her flash through her eyes, like a familiar twinkle in the back of her green eyes, and for the split of a second, he feels he has gotten her back. "Katherine or Natasha, it doesn't matter, it's still her."

Eliza nods, — to his surprise— satisfied with his answer. "What I'm saying is that you had reached a place with Natasha where you could be completely honest with her. Give Katherine time to reach that place, as well."

"And what if I told her the other night pushed her away for good?" he asks.

"It didn't. It might have taken her aback for a different reason. A reason she has yet to come to terms with."

He frowns. "What reason?"

Eliza smiles and pats his shoulder. "She'll come around, Steve."

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"I think I screwed up," Katherine sighs as she drops heavily on the couch next to Eliza. She lays her back and looks at the ceiling without saying another word. She then slowly tilts her head to look at her. She gathers her words carefully.

"Steve has feelings for me," she finally says.

"I am flabbergasted," the woman answers coolly. "Are you sure you heard it right?"

Katherine rolls her eyes. "The last thing I need right now is your sarcasm."

"I mean, dear, that man left New York to live in a godforsaken hole in the middle of Louisiana — what more proof did you need?"

"I don't want things to get awkward between us now that I know."

"Did he make a move on you?" Eliza asks.

Natasha softly bites her thumb. The shadow of a smile tugs at her lips. "No. He was a true gentleman about it."

"Then why should things get awkward?"

"Because I know? I mean clearly, he will always have expectations that I can't fulfill."

Eliza furrows her eyebrows. "Why not?"