The Empty Space Next to Me

Chapter 4

His phone screen shows half a dozen missed calls and twice as many texts. Mostly from Sam and Bucky, but also from other fellow teammates.

Sitting on the bed of his room, Steve is bent over, his elbows resting on each thigh, hands joined together in a fist with his chin resting upon it. He hasn't given real news since he left the compound four days ago, or only vague ones to avoid causing any worries.

He was hoping to call — or even better, turn up to New York with Natasha — but the situation has become complicated. He is not sure how to bring her up, or he should at all considering how she has made it a point never to return to that life and that she has just kicked him out of her new one. Involving the whole team would just stir more tension; but then he owes them the truth, too.

His phone buzzes — it's Sam calling in for the third time in the past hour. He answers the phone but Wilson immediately picks up something is wrong. But is something wrong, really? It should quite the opposite. Natasha is alive — that should be enough to make him happy. And as much solace he finds in the thought that she is alive, he cannot ignore his heartache right now.

Steve yields and tells Sam the truth. He explains the reason for his sudden departure and debriefs the current situation. Sam is stunned.

"Want me to come?" his friend says but it isn't a real question. Steve can hear how his voice is slightly shaking with emotion — he's missed her, too.

"Not now. She's not ready — and I don't know if she ever will. We need to respect that."

A few seconds go by before Sam agrees to the terms.

"Do you want me to call Barton and let him know about the situation."

Steve frowns. "No," he says, shaking his head. Clint has mourned her and he has started to move on — maybe keeping him away from all this, for now, is for the best. "No. I think it's better if we wait for now."

The conversation somehow veers off to more trivial matters, mostly related to the Avengers. But only briefly. At the end of the conversation, Sam asks:

"How is she?"

Steve nods slowly. "She's well. I think she's happy."

It is a blissful thought. One he could live on for the rest of his life and that would ease the void inside him if he were to leave this place without her.

"Well, I'm glad," Sam echoes his thoughts wistfully, then he adds. "Steve, I'm sure you'll work this out."

But he is not so sure about that. Nodding silently to himself, he hangs up.

Dinner is cold — and it is not the food — the three of them eat silently in the dining room. Katherine started it off, Steve could not do much about it and kept his tail between the legs, and Eliza had no choice than to adjust. Katherine keeps her eyes on her plate, sometimes throws a glimpse at the elderly woman, but they wander farther across the table.

Once the meal is over, she gets up to wash the dishes, before excusing herself and disappearing upstairs. He tries to make eye contact with her as she swings past him without success.

Eliza is probing him but he has not noticed, his eyes fall back down to the floor.

"You know her, don't you?" she eventually says. "You knew her from before."

He is startled and looks across at her with a deep frown. "The way you look at her...it certainly is not like someone who met her three days ago. More like you've known her for years."

There is no point denying it.

"She was my friend."

Eliza furrows her brows, slightly surprised.