ages 17-18
in which finn grieves over millie
TW: DEATH AND BLOOD,, i in no way am trying to romanticize death.
finn's pov
she's gone.
it seems like one second we were all laughing together on set and the next thing you know, she's gone.
and we saw it all.
i saw it all.
the security is supposed protect us, right? then how the fuck did this psycho break in? they didn't do enough to protect her. i didn't do enough to protect her.
i remember us not knowing that we were in danger, the obliviousness of us all being one of my many regrets. she was showing gaten something on her phone, everyone laughing and simply living.
then, we heard a bang! we all ran to the source of the sound, another regret of mine. the crew, on the knees, all shaking in fear of the gunman yelling at us to get down. we all quickly got on the ground, i stayed as close to her as possible.
he was asking for money, cash we didn't have on us at that moment. while the man had his back turned to us, noah decided to be a "hero" and run up to the man, jumping on his back and attempting to disarm him. everyone was screaming, and then next to me, millie rushes towards them. i tried to stop her, i grabbed her wrist but she broke out of my grip. because i'm weak. if i wasn't such a weakling she would still be here with us, with me. she also tried to fight the intruder for the gun, almost getting the weapon out of his grasp until he got the boy off his back and pushed him to the ground. he elbowed millie in the face and that's when i stood up. i should've done something sooner. he was aiming the gun towards a defenseless millie, an unconscious noah behind him.
i don't even remember what i was thinking, all that ran through my head and my veins were millie, millie, millie. i couldn't let anything happen to her, to my friends. i ran up to the man and attempted to punch him in the face. course i was too weak to protect her, to save her. i was just another kid he knocked to the ground, and now the gun was aimed at me. it should've stayed that way. but millie crawled over to me, trying to save me. she shouldn't have.
i should be dead. i should've been the one to die. not her, it never should've been her. she begged the man with a weak, trembling voice.
"p-please, don't hurt h-him.."
next thing i know, another bang. my eyes were wide and the moment my fingers slowly grazed my face, the red liquid that oozed down, i screamed. i sobbed. i stared. my gaze never leaving her face, the hole in the side of her head. i held her in my arms, her blood pouring all over my arms. i rocked back and forth, holding her, feeling her limp body in my embrace. i usually love being close to her, but this was the worst feeling in the world. i didn't take notice that i was yelling for her, just sobbing out her name over and over again. i didn't take notice of the security disarming the man and tackling him to the ground. i didn't care for the people surrounding me, trying to pry her body from my hands.
"no, no! please! i need to be with her, where are you taking her! millie, millie i'm coming for you!" i yelled, my voice very raspy. the paramedics were placing her in the ambulance as i yelled at them, "please save her!"
a couple paramedics stayed to help the others, one came up to me as i was trying to dry my eyes, trying to better my vision so i could watch the ambulance until it was out of sight.
"hey buddy, you wanna change outta those clothes?" the paramedic asked me, seeming to use a pitiful tone.
when i looked down at my white shirt, it was covered in blood, her blood. i shook my head, no way was i going to throw away something that is millie. i couldn't breathe, and neither could millie. she was pronounced dead at the scene, but i just didn't want to listen. i still don't want to listen. because she's not gone, every time i look at that stained shirt, i feel like she's still here.
