[the ocean's breeze] NEWTMAS SHORT STORY

[ 04 ]

thomas

he's ethereal.

the pale skin on him sticks to his bones, and i notice how baggy the long sleeve on him fits. but still, his beautiful eyes are full of life again instead of the emptiness i saw when he took his last breath.

"no, you should be dead." i let out a fake laugh, and i can feel more bile rise in my throat because i can't take much more of the pain. his ghost, dressed in the same clothes from the wicked facility before the scorch, has been following me for awhile this week. i usually see little glimpses of him when i'm with people and sometimes he even talks to me when i'm alone. minho gave me a weird look when i snapped at ghost newt in front of him once, but never questioned it.

i look at newt again, he's not in his wicked facility clothes, but the black makes his pale skin angelic. his hair is longer too, ghost-newt must've upgraded. i don't know if i can breathe again, not with him here and looking so damn real before me. "this isn't funny anymore. just leave me alone, i killed you. it's over!"

"oh, tommy." newt runs a hand through his fluffy, golden locks and i choke back another painful sob. if only i can do that. seeing him is so teasing, he's so close to me yet every time i've reached out, he stepped away. so i've given up on that, too. i just let the ghost of newt haunt me and pretend to not be bothered by it.

but i suddenly feel warm arms wrap around my body and it's surreal, it has to be some kind of joke. i'm holding newt. i can feel him and touch him and smell him and god, did i miss this. it's too real for me, this hallucination is way too real.

i keep my arms around him though, because i'm worried i'll let go for good if i let go at all. and that's okay with me, not letting go.

"oh my god, newt," i whisper into his collarbone and he rests his head on my shoulder. i feel him sigh, melting into my body. i thought i would never be able to touch him again, yet here i feel his body pressed against mine. he's supposed to be dead, i killed him. he's dead and it's my fault yet i can hold him.

"tommy." he keeps his soft hands on the back of my neck and god, i've missed that too. i know he's pulled away, even if i don't want to open my eyes incase he disappears again.

"tommy, look at me."

a finger is placed under my chin, forcing my too look up. i open my eyes slowly and try to blink back the black spots and water that cloud them from looking at my beautiful boy.

i notice tears streaming down his own face, but the concern is covered by a warm smile. that smile of comfort that's been thrown around recklessly for years, the same smile i thought would only be in my memories forever. but damn, looking at it again makes the world calm down again, just like it's done before. the panic in me settles, newt is my anchor.

i hold his face gently, running my thumbs on his cheekbones and ridding him of those tears he doesn't deserve.

i then notice the small stains in his pores, the darkened ones that trail down his chin and his teeth are tinted dark. i inhale sharply, the painful memory comes back to me and i'm about to break down again.

my eyes are hot with tears, the liquid from the flare has stained his face. it's stained his wonderful face just like it did to his brain not long ago. he doesn't deserve the pain, he deserves the world. but all he got was pain, and it's all my fault.

"tommy, it's okay! calm down, alright?" he tries to reassure me with a soothing voice but i can't feel my head anymore. i can't feel anything, the blaring noise in my brain screams painfully. it's telling me to run, run from my problems and run from him again. but i can't leave him, i can't leave and the internal battle is sending a migraine to my head.