Single DAD

Look whom i came across ?

Thank you for reading ! If you find any grammar and spelling errors please kindly ignore :-)

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Pain is unbearable. It hurt you down there. It make you go crazy. It make you vulnerable. But what if you have nothing but the pain to hold on to . What if it's the only thing making you feel alive about yourself. What if it is the only thing that seems beating inside you.

I don't know how I managed to survive this six months without Lexie . I don't know if I had that courage to survive this all . Loss ,pain ,hurt ,this vulnerability.

I don't have single shred of idea what would I have done if Aarya wouldn't be here ? I don't even want to imagine that .

My life without Aarya .she is the only thing left I call to be mine besides mom,of course.

Her eyes shines so bright just like her mother .when she smiles it takes to another planet where Everytime seems just fine .

Her smile takes away all of my worries ,pain and my tensions. I love her.

In mid of all this ,I can't stop thinking about Dr.Black. it's been a week since she has invited me to have coffee with her.

I didn't reject her.Unfortunately ( Fortunately for me ), that time I was called out by other doctor in instant as Dr.black had proposed for coffee date. I seized that opportunity and ran off . Without giving her the answer . I know I sound like total jackass.

I know I acted rudely. It was so inconsiderate of me . But what I was supposed to do ? Accept her offer .

I don't know . I am confused. Why did she even ask me out for coffee ?

Does she ..? Ohh hell no ? But how could she ? Sun of bitch ..? She might be ..?

" Jackson ! Jackson ! " moms loud voice brought me back to the reality.

" Yes ! Mom " I was bit startled.

" where are you ? What are you thinking about ? " she asked having Aarya on her lap .

We are sitting on my couch watching tv .and mom is trying to put her to sleep.

" Nothing ! " I try to dodge this question.

" She looks asleep . I should put her to bed." I stood up ,gently picked up Aarya and walked silently towards her room. I placed kissed on her forehead delicately and slowly put her down in her crib.

I got out leaving door ajar ,in case she wakes up and starts crying.

I walk to kitchen to do dishes that we had left after Arya started to cry. Mom calmed her down and she slept on her lap.

I saw mom washing dishes as I got there.

"Help me to wipe ." She said .

I took the towel and started to dry them.

" something is going on. I can tell you that . Whether you wanna tell or not . I know that something is bothering you . What is it ? Tell me ? " she asked ,looking bit concerned.

I looked in her eyes. I didn't want to make her worry about me . She gave me the look of tell-me-already.

I sigh and started to dry dishes.

"There is a doctor in my hospital who asked me out for coffee." I told her in steady tone.

" Ohh really !" She seemed suprised and then small smile appeared on her face. " What did you say ?" She seemed eager to know about it.

" I didn't say anything. I was actually pulled into in another emergency in E.R. so I left immediately"

" Without answering her..! " she exclaimed

I nod .

" That's rude "

" I know ..!"

" and now what ? "She asked .

" I have been ignoring her since then. I don't know what to do ?"

Mom was silent for a while before she broke the silence.

" Do what you think is right ! But for your information it's rude to leave a lady hanging there without an proper answer. Next time be careful .it's not the way a gentleman should act ."

I nod feeling awful about what I did.

I should say sorry to her next time when we will meet .

As I sat down on my bed ,I just wanted to lay down and relax . Today was exhausting day at hospital. So many trauma came in and E.R. was in full chaos.I had to run a lot to help saving peoples.

I love doing this job .even though it absorbs all of my energy ,I love to help people. I'm not actually a doctor but I am practically a subsitude of doctor.

Mom must be gone by now ,as I was thinking that I heard mild knock on my door . I saw mom standing by the door.she straight walk towards meand sat down besides me.

" I thought you would be gone by now ?"

" I was going to but then I remembered something and I needed to tell you that !"

" you know whom I ran into today ..." With a small pause and after analysing my expression she said .." Marisol ! " she exclaimed.

" Ohh ! Really " I felt bit hesitated , I haven't met her in a while ,honestly to say I am avoiding her . She is the closest thing Lexie had after me .

So it is obvious that we have a history and whenever I see her I get nervous . Those past memories creeps in to give me enormous pain.

i m not saying that i hate or spite her. i love her as a friend truly . but i am afraid if i see her i might not be able to supress my true feelings anymore.

i am afraid that i will break down before her . i will flow into heavy unstoppable  crying. i am afraid i might lose myself.

Marisol is amazing personality. She has this amazing way of helping people who she finds hurting or drowning in pain. So I suppose she probably wants to do the same with me.

I remember, whenever me and Lexie used to have those big fights where we used to stop talking to each others. Marisol was that person who used to meddle in and fix up our relationship.

She used to console us , she used to hear us out and come to an better conclusion.

She is really an amazing human being.

I can get an idea why she wants to meet me now . She knows that i am broken inside . Torn apart .shattered down . Every bit of myself is scattered on ground and she knows that this time around i am not picking up the pieces and letting myself heal .

In matter of factly i dont even want to heal. I getting myself used to of this pain .it reminds me of lexie .

I am afraid if i stop feeling pain ,i might stop loving her too and that thought terrifies me .

So i believe its better to feel hurt than to heal and forget lexie .because i will never do that.

So if this means not seeing Marisol anymore then let it be that way .

" she was wondering when you will meet her ?" Mom asked .

Looking into võid of uncertainty i answered. " Soon .....!"

As in matter of facts i know deep down there that i never want to meet her.

After having a short conversation . Mom stood up to leave . Before leaving my apartment she glace over Aarya and then she gave last look in kitchen ( womens they worry so much about this kitchen stuff ).

I was about to close the door behind her  when she abruptly held the door and said ." Go for coffee with that doctor " having that said she closed the door before me and i heard going down the strairs.

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Thanks for reading next chapter will be up soon...

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