The Lord of the Crows

Part 10 - A Chance to Heal

I knocked, and this time, I waited for a permission to enter. It was already evening when I finally brought my teaching to an end and I didn't really know if I wanted to stop by or not, but then I saw Lela at her gate waving and leaving and ...

The interior was slightly different than I remembered. The bed was facing the other wall, a table was set aside beside it, and there were furs that resembled a makeshift bed in front of the fireplace.

Daina was sitting on them, with her legs crossed, holding a wooden tray on her lap. She nodded calling me to enter.

"Sorry for the mess. Usually, I sleep by the fire at this time of year. Old habits die hard."

"You look tired," I muttered, and slowly sat down beside her. "But at least this time they didn't have to carry you back ..."

She smiled and sighed.

"We do have problems with thieves and robbers, occasionallyy, you know, with gangs invading and destroying properties that belong to the Sanctuary. But we have never met anyone like this. It's like we're dealing with a renegade army. A small but well organized ... We managed to catch a few, perhaps we will be able to find out about what's happening."

She handed me a small loaf of bread topped with honey and reached for a bowl of milk, letting me know that was all I would be able to find out about her absence from the village.

"How's your leg?" I said, deliberately changing the topic.

"Better than it was, worse than it should be. Looks like I'll have another weather forecaster. You...?"

The rest of the question remained lingering unspoken in the air. Just as she did not want me to raise the issue of her activities in the Sanctuary that night, I did not want to deal with my own decision to leave or stay. Instead of answering, I moved the loaf to my left hand and stretched my right hand towards her, clenched my fingers into a fist and then spread them wide. My fingers obeyed flawlessly.

"Look."

She smiled and ran her fingers over my palm. For a moment, her eyes seemed sad. I knew it had nothing to do with me and the possibility, the certainty of my departure, but with something she didn't want to talk to me about. Or maybe she didn't dare. I raised my hand and stroked her cheek.

"You haven't eaten and you're tired. Maybe I should go. "

She shook her head and moved closer. She fell asleep a little later, curled up like a child in my arms. I lay down completely, as carefully as I could, and stretched out on furs. I listened to her rhythmic breathing and caressed her in that slow, steady rhythm, moving slowly my palm across her hair, thinking about the woman who knew who I was and again fell asleep carefree in my arms. About the woman I was holding in my arms while she was sleeping, as if she were mine, even though I never really had her.

Hallways. Darkness, more and more darkness, indefinitely.

Screams are varying in intensity. Lagrenian beasts emerge from the darkness. Our orders are simple: man, woman, child, beast - kill them. Don't think, kill ...

... A flash of torch dances on the walls. And the shadows are dancing ... I'm sick of the scenes we run into ...

... Scream ... "I won't hurt you" ... Screaming gets quieter, turns into sobs ... "I won't hurt you" ...

"Please," I whisper, "scream ..."

I won't hurt you ...

I jerked myself out of sleep bathed in icy sweat, and realized that I was lying on top her, while her hand was caressing my face and hair. She hugged me with her arms and legs, whispering words I couldn't really make out. I leaned my forehead against her shoulder and took a few deep breaths before I pulled away from her just enough to be able to roll over on my back without letting her out of my arms.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

"It's just a dream," she stroked my cheek again.

I shook my head. No, it wasn't just a dream. Those were fragments, truncated parts of memory that I could never fully recall in my dreams. Violent and strong, twisted, varying over time, they made me wonder where the border between dreams and reality was and whether those events really played out the way I remembered them or whether my dreams had something different to say about it.

"Do you want me to move?" She mumbled.

I hugged her and shook my head again even though she couldn't see me. I touched her forehead with my lips and inhaled the rich scent of her hair.

"It will pass," I muttered. "It always does." She raised her head and looked into my eyes. I saw that sadness, gentleness and understanding again.

"I know. We all have dreams and memories in common. They fade with time but never completely. Unless you're one of those lucky ones who manages to forget. But over time, they fade out just enough ..." She rested her head on my chest again. A palm resting against her cheek burned me through my shirt.

I sighed. Perhaps the Lagrenians were the most hated nation on the Mount Strife and beyond, but to me it seemed just like a lousy excuse. She knew who I was, she knew what my orders were ... she knew what I was doing to them ... and she did everything she could to save me.

"Why did you bring me here, Daina?" I whispered after a while.

"Everyone deserves a chance to heal."