The Lord of the Crows

Part 13 - Fears and Tears

The night turned into the morning too quickly and my tasks took me to the other side of the village.

Peck came across some drawings and was determined to put together and try out some device that should help with the arm strengthening exercise, but all we managed to do that morning was to injure our fists and almost pull our hands out of our shoulders. After a morning lost, we were reluctant to admit defeat but we ended up concluding we needed the help of a carpenter.

"You should ask Daina to approve you a craftsman, a carpenter or alike, ... maybe go to him if they are forbidden to enter the Sanctuary," I suggested as we tried to clean ourselves up enough before the afternoon writing classes at the library.

The kid was visibly nervous:

"Can you ask her?"

I paused and nodded.

"I can, but you are in charge of the training room, and you know how to explain best what you need and how you need it. I'm sure she won't turn you down."

"I know, but ...", he muttered.

"But?"

"You're not afraid of her."

I raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Should I be?"

He shook his head.

"Yes, no ... um, I don't know. You are..."

I understood what he meant. I am a Crow. The Crows are not afraid of the Lagrenians. At least that was the common belief, because if we were crazy enough to oppose them, it must have meant that we were not afraid of them. I laughed.

"Every normal person is afraid of a Lagrenian, my boy. But I'm quite sure that additional exercise device will not be the cause of Lady Daina's rage."

He shook his head, not overly encouraged.

"You don't know ... Those eyes of hers ... and ..."

I put my hand on his shoulder.

"If it will be easier for you, I will talk to her first. But you have to be ready to fight for what is yours, and the training room is yours. If she has any additional questions, you will be the one to answer them. Because all I know is that this device can help. To whom, how and why, it's your job, kid, and you know how to explain it better than I do."

The conversation went in a different direction after that, but his fear remained imprinted somewhere in my subconscious. Peck was safe, safer than me in this Sanctuary, and certainly far more valuable to Daina and these people, and yet he feared what Lagrenian woman represented in his eyes. Like Ella was afraid of me.

That fear showed up again, quite by accident, and completely unrelated to our conversation, as part of the afternoon classes that day.

"On desolated, dark shore... "

It met us as we entered the library. I didn't expect anyone but the three of us, especially not a senile old man wandering between the rows and shelves of books, reciting the old verses. I turned to the girl who was already sitting at the table and met a pale face and swollen eyes that clearly indicated she had been crying until a few moments ago. She nervously twisted her hands, trying to hide them from my view.

Fear. That fear again. From condemnation and rejection ...

I approached my seat and sat down as if nothing unusual was happening.

"Guess, you are the one 'on duty' today?" I asked, trying to sound extremely casual. She nodded without saying a word.

I looked at the old man, who was repeating the verses, answered him, and turned to her again.