After a near death experience, Harry undergoes his creature inheritance and finds out more about his heritage.
⚠️Sexual explicit content warning⚠️
*******⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: abuse, rape, ed, self harm, mental illness⚠️*********
HARRY POTTER AND ALL...
I awoke suddenly with someone wrapped around me. Immediately, panic started to flood my senses as I tried to pry myself from their grasp. They stirred behind me, and Moony's voice cut through my muddled thoughts of escape.
"Felix? You ok?" He said groggily, slowly waking up.
I stopped squirming a bit and asked "Moony?" looking for reassurance.
"Yes baby, are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm sorry" I said, embarrassed about freaking out.
He could clearly tell what I was thinking and quickly said "Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about."
After I settled, we got up and journeyed downstairs to the kitchen in search of breakfast.
I had been in the kitchen before, but it felt different without Sirius lighting it up...everywhere did.
My mind started to wander, but I sternly decided not to think about Sirius right now. There's no time to be sad, I have a family now.
Lupin finished cooking breakfast with a whoosh of his wand, smiling a little after seeing me watching from the table.
He levitated two plates over to the table, one finding its seat in front of me, and the other in the spot across from me.
"Would you like anything to drink Felix?" Lupin said, a smile coating his lips.
"uhm...water is fine, thanks" I said awkwardly, not used to being served but rather being the server myself.
As he came over with the glasses, he set water down next to me and orange juice down in front of himself.
"Tuck in!" he said, picking up his fork enthusiastically.
I looked over the scrambled eggs and toast skeptically. I never eat eggs. Or toast. Especially not toast with marmalade...
Not wanting to appear ungrateful, I took a small scoop of eggs and raised it to my mouth.
I took the bite after considering it for a moment, thinking all the while about how slimy and gross eggs are. This effectively spoiled my appetite, and I was done before I'd barely even started.
Lupin noticed my distaste and seemed to lose interest in his own food.
"I'm sorry, I guess I'd just assumed you'd be ok with eggs and toast..." He said, his eyes downcast.
"No, I'm sorry! I just don't have much of an appetite in the morning." I lied, knowing fully well that my stomach was begging me to eat.
God, now I've hurt his feelings...I wish I could just eat....
Lupin reluctantly cleared my breakfast after finishing his own and downing his orange juice.
I sipped a bit on my water and tried to avoid eye contact.
I don't like hurting people...
My thoughts were interrupted (as they usually were) by Lupin coming back to the table.
"You know Felix," he started, bending slightly to catch my eyes "I can tell when you're lying to me."
My skin flushed with a mind of its own as I tried to defend myself.
"What do you mean?"
"You must be hungry...you didn't have any dinner, and judging from how emaciated you are, you haven't eaten properly for some time."
He looked serious, and I didn't dare try lying again.
"I am, but I'm not..." I started, unsure of how to begin this difficult conversation. "I know I should be hungry, and I know I should eat, but I can't."
His eyes softened as he looked into mine, trying to understand without making me speak as it was clearly hard for me.
"Why can't you?" Moony asked softly, almost a whisper.
"I don't know..." my mind screamed at me to stop before spilling the rest, but I ignored it for the first time in years "it's like my mind tells me not to. Like I'm not good enough to eat...a waste of food." Tears threatened to spill as I struggled to hold myself together.
His eyes widened, and I couldn't help but fear what he'd think of my broken mind. I had never told anyone about this...not even Ron or Hermione.
"How can I help you?"
I sat stunned for a moment. Out of everything he could've said, this definitely wasn't what I'd thought he'd say.
"I don't know?"
And I didn't know. How could I?
I've only ever been told how worthless I am...how could I ever think I had any value again?
I looked up, and it seemed like Lupin could hear what was happening in my mind.
A silent tear slid down his cheek, and I realized then that I had been talking out loud.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled, looking down, I'd once again managed to ruin everything.
"No, I am. I never knew you felt this way. If I would've known, I might've been able to help you sooner...but I'm here now" he said, finally wiping his tears away "and I will do whatever it takes to make you feel better again."
After a while, Lupin brought me to the house's library, where I'm sitting now.
The library is a large room with bookshelves lining the walls and a small spiraling staircase in the corner. The stairs led to a second level of bookshelves. There were couches and chairs in the center of the first level with a coffee table in the middle.
(kind of like this)
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I had found an interesting book on the history of wandlore and sat reading it on the couch, using the coffee table nearby as a footrest.
Lupin left me here to read after saying he "had some matters to attend to."
