Scary Beginnings (TVD FANFIC) 1/2

19: Departures

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER

I hadn't realized how strange goodbyes were until I had to keep doing them one after the other. It made me grasp onto the fact I'd never really said one before. When I had to go into care I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye to my friends at my old school considering the only home that could take us was in a completely different state. I never got to say goodbye to my parents, not even a final 'I love you' before they died--and while everyone told me the funeral was a place to gain closure and a chance to say goodbye, it felt wrong. It felt incomplete...When we finally left the home, I didn't like anyone there enough to have a goodbye that meant something--just the odd awkward wave to the adults that fed me three times a day and had managed to coax me into finishing school. And my appearance here in the blink of an eye didn't allow me the chance to say goodbye to anyone at work that I may have looked twice at. It hit me just how closed off I'd been in my life, how lonely I'd forced myself to be just because I was too scared to let anyone in.

Ness was the easiest, because she knew the whole reason why I was running off to search for distractions and truth and meaning in this drab existence. She knew I liked Caroline, she knew I was avoiding falling so deep that I couldn't be the blonde's friend anymore, and she knew that when I smiled I hid nothing but fear behind my eyes over what I could become as the creature I was now. Scarlet seemed chipper to have me back in the Boarding House, apologizing profusely for only trying to get updates on me through Caroline and trying anything to make me smile. It had made me laugh, noticing how even as a vampire she hadn't changed a bit from our real home...James seemed a bit more difficult to convince that I could handle myself enough to go running around mountains in search of one of the few characters I actually adored from this show. But in the end, he just seemed relieved I was talking to him, and to be honest, I was also relieved to just know the crinkles between my twin and I had been smoothed out.

The hardest goodbye was Caroline...

FLASHBACK

I frowned at the blonde, "Look, Care--this is all on me, okay? I just need a little bit of distance--"

She scoffed, "God, why is it so hard for you to let someone else help you?"

"That's not it, I--"

"Yeah, it is, Bailey! You know--it's like you don't want anyone to care about you unless they're Scar or James or V! And, I'm sorry, okay--but I care! I care a lot, Bailey, so forgive me if I overstep my boundaries by actually giving a--!"

"You didn't overstep them!" She froze with my burst of anger.

"What?"

"You didn't overstep your boundaries, Care...I did."

"Wait what?"

I sighed heavily, "You were kind and caring and made me feel sane when I felt utterly clueless. You've grounded me here and I'm grateful for that, but I'm also a fucking cliche that falls for every straight girl that gives me a smile and shows she cares because I'm affection starved."

"Wait...W-what?"

"I'm bi, Care. And I care about you too, a lot more than you care about me. I'm developing feelings, and I just wanted to take a step back because you're straight, and you're in love with Matt, and I know nothing like that will happen between us. I'm not punishing you, Care. I'm protecting myself. And taking a small break from you, from us--from 'Mystic Falls' in general to help me get my head on my shoulders over this whole wolf thing without relying on you or Ness...And when I come back, hopefully, we can still be friends. I-if you wanted that, I mean..."