Originally: 'All In My Head?'
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WARNING: POINTS OF THIS BOOK WILL DISCUSS ISSUES OF EATING DISORDERS, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ATTEMPTS, DEPRESSION, AND DEATH. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE ISSUES THEN PROCEED WITH CAUTION IF YOU ARE TO CONTINUE READIN...
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The weather was surprisingly dreary compared to the past few weeks in this world. Clouds loomed over the forest path as a threat while the wind almost made the metal of Bonnie's car groan with the promise of caving in. I hoped it would all die down by the time we reached our destination. Trying to refocus on my book, my fingertips grazed one of Celestes' collected grimoires--a gift I thought to give myself after the fiasco of taking down the witch during our recent trip to New Orleans.
I knew Scarlet couldn't do it. And thanks to our meddling, Caroline was still to take a life in her new immortal state. Bailey would be traumatized, and I couldn't really remember if her curse would be triggered by taking any life rather then just a human one...I was our only option...I didn't regret it. It actually felt strange how okay I was with killing the witch, being the cause of someone's life ending...My mind, although, furiously flipping between seeing her as fictional and real at the time, it stopped when realizing she wasn't a good witch. She cursed wolves, was fuelled by revenge--and maybe I just think she's bad because the show lit her in that light, but that didn't stop me killing her being an easy task.
Maybe I'd lost my mind. Maybe being here has warped me, made me evil--the plotting and the killing and scheming to only kill more...We have no right to decide who should and shouldn't live. Is it really the right thing to do? Some lives want to go--like Silas and Amara, killing them removing The Other Side completely and making deaths permanent state hell. But is it the right thing to do to kill Cade? A man murdered because he was different from the others in his village. He's a victim, even if he is the devil. But in killing him we bring peace to everyone, maybe even him in death, so is it the right thing?
I don't want to make decisions, a part of me is grateful Vanessa doesn't share much of her scheming. The only time we learn the next part of her plot is when she feeds us our next task. I hate how she takes the world on her shoulders but I know I'd crumble if I had to do the task myself. I know that's selfish; solely focusing on my own self-preservation. I wish I could change that—
"You okay?" A soothing voice broke through my brains rambles, I glanced up to catch Bonnies' gaze.
My shrug was half-hearted, "Yeah, thoughts all over the place, is all."
Sympathy radiated from her in waves, "Are you worried about the spell?"
I scoffed, "Which one(?)"
"You know which one..."
I sighed. V had sent Bonnie and me out on our task of visiting Mikael's body and creating a Papa Tunde circle to steal his power. She wanted Bonnie to do it, I haven't told the Bennett witch that yet, knowing V only wanted it like that to keep me out of harm's way. So, I decided to take the power for myself. Bonnie and I could channel each other for the ritual and then when it came to expression and messing with The Other Side, Bonnie could use the Papa Tunde voodoo on me. Taking power from myself as well as Mikael would hopefully keep her safe and alive when we pulled people over. I needed it to. Even only after a few weeks of knowing her, the thought of losing her felt like a stab to the gut...
