Reality

Chapter 12

We had a long weekend coming up in a few weeks. I was really excited because Rachel and I were going to drive up to the mountains and stay in a condo during the break. I've never really spent time away from my entire family on break like this before, so this was a new experience for me. Finally something good was going to happen in my life. I really needed this time to spend alone with Rachel.

"So, are you excited?" I asked during lunch.

"I'm so excited! We're going to have the best time ever. Especially without anyone telling us what to do." She said while simultaneously texting on her phone.

"Its gonna be the best." I said while trying to see who she was texting.

She laughed. "What's so funny?" I asked, curious to know.

"Nothing." She said and tried to change the subject. "Is Mr. Parker's english test hard?"

I pretended to just forget about what she was laughing at and replied, "Not hard at all."

---

The last class of the day came, the only one I had with Jason. I'm sad that this was our only class together, but we hung out almost everyday after school. I couldn't hang out today because I Nutcracker rehearsal after school.

Oh yeah, i'm a dancer too.

I've been dancing since I was 2 1/2 years old; pretty dedicated, I must say so. Anyway, I walked into the classroom and took my seat. Two arms came up from behind and hugged me.
I turned around to see Jason's eyes staring back at me. I can never get over how beautiful they are.

"Hey babe." He said said and I laughed.

"Why do you call me that?" I asked, shaking my head and smiling.

"Because I don't want to lose you." I blushed when he said this.

"Alright everyone, take your seats." Mrs. Ryann told the class. I took my seat next to Jason and he grabbed my hand. He mouthed the words please don't leave me and I replied with Why would I? He smiled and looked towards the front of the class. I really hope I don't lose him; he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's there for me and cares about me, and that makes me happy.

---

So, I went to rehearsal after school. Before, I stopped by Chipotle to grab dinner; tonight I get off dance rehearsal at 8:30, so it's gonna be a long night. I try not to eat that much to stay thin; everyday I eat around 900 calories to stay below average weight. I know it's not good for you, but I just think eating everything is gross, sorry. And besides, I feel good when i'm skinny, and I can do what I want.

Anyway, I was Lead Waltz actually. Normally a principal ballerina is lead, but i'm pretty good, actually. I'm not the best, but i'm good. When I found out, I was shocked. I did not see it coming at all. I'm excited because I get to partner with a principal dancer which i've yet to do. It's going to be difficult, but I think i'm ready. I ate my quesadilla and my Sobe life water and headed to the studio. When I got there, I threw on my pointe shoes, my wrap skirt, and grabbed a rosin rock for my shoes.

Rehearsal was painfully long, with only a 10 minute break at 6:30 for those who want to eat. But, I choose to eat before so I don't get sick. Sometimes I wonder why I dance because of the amount of time it takes and injuries happen in a season. My feet are disgusting, my hair is always a mess after practice, and for what? I don't want to be a dancer professionally, so why? I guess it's because I love performing. I love being up on the stage and after a performance, hearing thousands of people clap for me, for all the hard work. That makes me smile.

As I was dancing my solo portion in waltz, I was doing a pirouette when I felt a blistering pain shoot through my ankle and up through my leg. It felt like a million needles were piercing my skin all at once, and I fell to the ground. The pianist stopped playing and everyone gasped. I couldn't move, I was just sitting there while a few people ran over to me.

"Nicole! Are you ok!?" One of my friends asked.

I continued to sit, aching with pain, and mumbled the words "no". My instructors walked over to me.

"Can you move your ankle? You rolled it." My instructor Ms. Einsten asked, concerned.

I tried to move my ankle, but it only made it worse. I shrieked with pain as one of my friends rubbed my back. Just sitting there, helpless, made me feel belittled. There was nothing I could do but wait until the nurse from the infirmary came. The studio was located downtown in a high-rise and we had an infirmary for injuries like this. When the nurse arrived, most dancers had cleared out into another studio except for my friends. They comforted me while I had examinations done.

"It looks like you've dislocated your ankle." The nurse explained. "When you rolled your ankle, it must've popped right out of its socket."

My mouth dropped. Are you kidding me? I dislocated my ankle? Oh my god. "Well, what happens now?" I asked, nervous.

"We can take you to a proper hospital and run some more tests that we cannot perform at the infirmary here. From there, we can figure out the severity and how long it will take you to heal. Tristan and Jacob, can you lift her up and take her to the infirmary?" She pointed to two male dancers and instructed them to do so. They lifted me up and carried me to the infirmary. Not a minute later, I was being loaded into an ambulance, and the anxiety started to set in. While I was riding in the ambulance, I started to have an anxiety attack. I started to sit up and hyperventilate.

"I need fresh air, now!" I said, trying to gasp in as much air as I could.

"What's wrong?" My friend, Ashlynn, asked. She was the only one along with Ms. Einsten that rode with me to the hospital.

"I'm having an anxiety attack. How much longer will it be?" I asked frantically.

"Not even a minute." A nurse in the ambulance replied. "Just lay down and try to calm down."

"I need something, like music to calm me down. Right now, i'm not calm." I kept hyperventilating and was getting tense.

"It'll be ok. Just try take deep breaths." Ashlynn tried to comfort me. She tried to hold my hand.

"Don't touch me." I snapped at her. My hands were shaking and I tried to bring my legs to my chest, but I was in too much pain. I couldn't get comfortable, there was no music to calm me down, and I couldn't breath well. But what I needed most, was the only person that could comfort me in a time like this, Jason. Although he's never been with me while I was having an anxiety attack, well he actually didn't even know I had an anxiety disorder, but he would be better than anyone else. But unfortunately, he was 45 minutes away, and by the time he reached me, I wouldn't be freaking out like this. I needed him right now, but that was impossible. All I remember was seeing Ashlynn's face over mine, trying to say something to me, but then everything went black.