Reality

Chapter 39

So, tonight was the first showing of the Nutcracker, and I have to say it was unreal. The minute I stepped out on stage as lead waltz was truly one I will always remember. The adrenaline rush you get right before you show yourself to the audience is crazy! You just feel like the most important and best dancer ever. Well, I guess it was because I was only a junior in high school and was performing a part fit for a professional. Either way, just knowing at the end of the performance, they're all clapping for you and how wonderful you danced. When I was up in the lift that ended the dance, I knew they were clapping for me. Sure the corps de ballet helped, but the audience mainly focuses on you when you're lifted up 10 feet in the air. I guess all the hard work and pain and tears pay off.

After the finale and the curtain closed, we all cheered.

"Amazing job, Nicole." Shane told me and hugged me.

"You're not too bad yourself." I joked. He smiled.

"No seriously, you're really good for 17 years old."

"Why thank you." I said, and playfully curtsied to him.

He laughed. "Just keep on dancing like that and you're in the pros."

"Well, i'm not going to be a professional when i'm older." I told him, walking to get some water. He followed behind.

"Really?" He questioned.

"Yeah. I want to be an architect when i'm older. This is just what I do in my free time."

"I'd think about it if I were you. You've got talent, don't waste it." He walked away.

I didn't even think about his response. I'm going to be a successful architect living in New York City, not a struggling ballerina in NYC that can't have air conditioning because she doesn't have enough money for it. That's what would be waiting for me if I chose to dance professionally; little pay to be a part of the corps de ballet living in a tiny apartment with no wifi or air conditioning because that's all I can afford. No wonder they stay so skinny; they don't spend money on food. I like my food, but not too much. Either way, i'll live in NYC with a sustainable job, and a happy family...along with air conditioning.

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A performance every night for two weeks takes a toll on a 17 year old girl, along with school. Each day, I would literally go straight from school to the theatre for warmup at 4:30 then the performance starts at 6. When I wasn't dancing, I would stay in my dressing room alone doing homework. It was only a 30 foot walk away from the wings of the stage, so I used all the time I had to do homework. Time with family and friends was completely used up because of dance, except the last showing of the Nutcracker, Jason's taking me out. His birthday was the day after my last performance, and I was doing something special for him.

After I would finish my homework for that night, I would spend time working on his gift; a scrapbook of every picture we've took together to remind him of us and our relationship, all of the memories that came along with our relationship. It wasn't much, but had a lot of sentimentality behind it. I really hope he'll like it since its taking me so much time to do. I left the last half of it empty for the many memories to come, and on the back of each picture I would write what was happening and what it meant to me.

On the picture of him in the car driving to the spot where I lived out my one true dream, I wrote:

Right before I found out you loved me, I took this. I've always loved you and will continue to love you no matter what. You mean the world to me, even in your hipster sunglasses :)

On each note, I wrote something like this. Each time I would look at a picture, I would smile. We have had so many amazing times together in just a few short months, and i've loved every minute. Going through the pictures made me realize how much fun I have with him, and there were a lot of pictures. I didn't keep any of the pictures because I knew that we would have many more memories to come. So, I gave him every picture we took together; I knew he would appreciate them.