Strong | Hange x Reader

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙾𝚗𝚎: 𝚂𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐

it's so warm and i'm so cold. i avert my gaze to the window. the sun, so bright and beautiful, lighting up the day with no effort. it's so peaceful here. i get up from
my bed and allow my feet to touch the cold ground. i gaze around my room; it's so bare. rusty brown wood flooring and cream colored walls. a bed on the right wall and a dresser on the left, a window on the wall with curtains hanging from its side.

mom and dad should be back soon. their expedition is supposed to end around now. i should go greet them.

i rush to get ready and head for the shiganshina streets to await my parents arrival.

"DING! DING!". they're here! the scout regiment has returned from their latest expedition. i rush over to the main street and look around for my parents. my looks begin to get desperate. where are they? they promised they'd be back.... they promised. so why? why aren't my parents there.

My eyes continue to dart around as i look one last time. They lock with the commander of the scouts, Keith Shadis. My parents were both high ranking captains so they were often with the commander. sometimes i got to tagalong to meetings and listen to the scouts plan missions so i got pretty close with some of the officers. I look into his eyes desperately before he gives me a slight head nod signaling a 'no'.

For a moment, the whole world stopped. no? what does he mean no? surely my parents returned. they were strong enough. i knew they were strong. what happened? why aren't they here then? they're gone. what could've happened... what?

what is that? it's warm. i touch my face with my hand. tears. why am i crying? i loved them, yes. but i'm gonna be a soldier one day. soldiers don't show tears. so why am i crying? i'm not supposed to show tears. that's what it takes to be strong. strong... so much meaning behind one word. what does it mean to be strong? perhaps it's the ability to beat your opponents. some argue that it's the ability to withstand any obstacle thrown your way. to me, to be strong means to never show fear even in the most desperate situations. so why? why am i crying? i know why. i lost the people i cared about, the people i swore to protect when i became a strong soldier. i swore to be strong enough so they wouldn't have to fight. i swore to be strong enough to save humanity and not endanger the people i care about. why.... why can't i be strong. why can't i protect them. why can't i keep my promises....

i shut my hanging jaw and wipe my tears. this isn't my fault. it never was and never will be. i'll become strong. real strong. i'll kill the titans so i can prove how strong i am to everyone. that way, i won't be alone. everyone will look up to me and think i'm the strongest one of all. that'll be me. i'll be at the top. and i start with the cadet corps. just one more year and i get to join. i'll be strong. just you wait and see.