Living with 3 older brothers

Exposed

Johns Pov

I stared at my baby sister, trying to comprehend why the hell she would want to hurt herself.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" I asked,  sure my face portrayed pain.

She frantically started pleading for me not to tell the others.

"Please John don't tell on me. I'll do anything, I'll listen to you, I wont disobey just please-" I cut her off by bringing her into a hug. She stayed still but slowly wrapped her tiny arms around me. I'm sure she was confused, she wasn't used to me showing affection of any sort towards her, that made me feel incredibly guilty. What if I was the reason she was cutting herself?

"Please talk to me." I pleaded. I didn't want to see my little sister in pain and I sure as hell didn't want to be the reason for it.

Julianna's Pov

"Please talk to me." My older brother pleaded.

I wanted to, the problem was I didn't know how. I didn't know how to tell him I felt trapped by all their rules and how I was terrified that one day they would die like my parents. How did I tell him that alcohol and self-harm were my only coping mechanism? How the darkness was sometimes too much and would envelope me whole, to the point I could hardly breathe.

Answer, I couldn't.

"I'm tired." I said.

"No, we are going to talk about this, change." He ordered softly. I did as he said, pulling the shorts down a bit so the cuts weren't visible, but the top of my underwear was. I sat on the edge of his bed but he pulled me onto his lap and we cuddled in silence for a while before getting under the covers.

"When did it start?" He whispered, tucking the hair out of my face. I turned towards him, so we were both facing each other.

"When mum and dad died." I whispered back.

"This has been going on for 6 years?!" He almost shouted, raising his voice. I flinched. His eyes softened when he saw me move away form him slightly.

"Sorry love, I'm just worried about you."

"I'm sorry." I said, starting to cry, and so the whole story came out, the different techniques I used to harm myself. I burnt myself, slammed my head against the wall, starved my self and the most common one, cut. All of this was used to make me feel numb.

"You know I have to tell them right?" He said.

"No, please don't. I don't want them to know. You can't tell them!" I exclaimed. I knew I was on the verge of having a panic attack. I could feel all the symptoms, I was sweating, my heartbeat was racing and I felt like I was going to throw up. I jumped out of his bed and rushed to his bathroom, spilling out everything I had eaten in the toilet.

I slid down the wall, hyperventilating quickly. I couldn't breathe but I managed to lock the door before John came in. He started pounding, and soon I could hear him calling the others. Jeremy unlocked the door with a key he had and they all rushed to me, I could see their angry faces that turned to shock as they saw my state. James immediately started hugging me, mumbling comforting words in my ear to calm me down, while John brought me a glass of water. Jeremy just stood there, not knowing what to do.

James' Pov

I was terrified, I had never seen her in such a panicky state. I comforted her until she was breathing normally then picked her up bridal style and placed her on John's bed.

"What happened back there?" I asked as gently as possible, kneeling in front of her.

"Panic attack.." She managed to choke out. What? Since when was my little sister having panic attacks?

She hugged her knees which made John say, "Don't hide them Julie, they'll find out eventually." I gave him a questioning look then looked back to a frozen Julianna, who looked terrified.

"Follow me." John said as he walked out of the room to the living room. "Leave her there to rest." He walked over to our sister who glared at him. "Get some rest." He said while tucking her in.

Julianna's Pov

I heard something smash downstairs. I was scared. I could hear John mumbling my story downstairs. That bloody traitor. I hated him. I actually trusted him for once and he went and told the others. He was right though, they would find out eventually. But it should have been my choice to tell them. I got out of bed and sat on the top of the carpeted staircase.

Unluckily for me, Jeremy spotted me and walked towards me. To my surprise, he didn't shout at me, he hugged me.

"You should have told us, we would've helped you."

"I'm sorry." I apologised once again.

He sighed. "Come on, it's 2am, you should go to sleep." He picked me up like a baby and cradled me close to his chest as he tucked me into John's bed where John followed but I refused to acknowledge him. I felt betrayed by him. He went to cuddle me but I turned around, my back facing him. He just sighed, kissed my forehead and went to sleep.