Lean On Me- Merder

Do You Believe In Magic?

"Don't.. touch ..me."

Derek's heart dropped at the three words that escaped his trembling wife's mouth. He quickly released her hand, and took a step back from her hospital bed.

"I'll be right here when you're ready, Mer." Derek said gently. He hated not being able to physically comfort her.

She nodded, and gingerly turned her head to face Arizona. The two woman seemed to exchange silently, both understanding the other's wordlessness.

"Derek, can you give us a moment?" Arizona asked, tilting her head towards the door. Derek nodded, glancing down at Meredith. A tear trailed her face, and she refused to make eye contact.

As Derek left the room, Arizona began to comfort Meredith, who had began to cry more profusely.

"Shh, you're okay." Arizona pulled Meredith into a deep hug, carefully avoiding the multitude of wires and IVs protruding from the small body.

Meredith winced with each sob as pain radiated through her body. She melted into Arizona's embrace, finding a small amount of comfort for the first time in days.

Arizona pulled out her phone, quickly sending a message before replacing it in her scrub pocket.

"Meredith, there's someone I think you'd like to talk
to. Can they come into your room?" Meredith slowly reclined into her pillows, looking at Arizona curiously.

"Is it a man?" She croaked, testing her tear-stained voice.

"No, it's-" Arizona was interrupted by a knock at the door. Meredith cringed at the noise. Jo entered the spacious ICU room, a sympathetic look etched on her face.

"Hey Mer." She whispered, gently approaching her bed and pulling out a chair. Meredith forced a smile, slowly shifting in the bed to face Jo.

"In college, I had a husband. He hurt me.. physically." Meredith shivered, but maintained eye contact, signaling to Jo that it was okay to continue.

"That feeling of guilt, blame, and distrust... It almost destroyed me. I want you to know you're not alone. I'm here for you, and so is Arizona, Derek, and about two dozen other surgeons. Whenever you're ready."

A knot in Meredith's throat rendered her speechless. Instead, she reached out shakily, and gripped Jo's forearm. She sank into her pillows, letting out a reserved breath.

Arizona could tell she was in pain. She stood up, and adjusted Meredith's morphine pump. Jo stroked her hair as her eyes fell shut.

The two woman stayed by Meredith's bedside long after she had fallen asleep.

•••

Derek paced anxiously up and down the ICU hallway. It went up against every fiber of his being to abandon Meredith like this.

He longed to hold her, stroke his hair, and convince her the world was in fact, not ending.

"Shepherd!" Derek directed his attention to Alex, who was running down the hall and untying his surgical gown.

"I was in surgery.. You found her? She's okay?"
Derek nodded. She's okay.

Alex sighed, and began to walk towards her room. Derek placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"You can't go in there Alex." Derek said somberly.

"Why not? They're in there! Alex whined, referring to Jo and Arizona, who were tending to a sleeping Meredith. Suddenly his eyes widened in realization.

"He.. he-" Derek nodded.

"I am going to kill him." Alex spat, clenching his hands into fists.

"Can you stay here and make sure she's safe? I have to go do something." Derek muttered before running down the hallway into the nearest bathroom.

He began to vomit in the trash can, a reflection of the sickening guilt that boiled inside of him.

He wiped his mouth and sank to the floor, collapsing his head into his knees and beginning to sob.

After who-knows how long, Derek felt his pager vibrating in the pocket of his scrubs. He removed the small device, and was surprised to see a page to Meredith's room.

He stood up, and quickly made his way back to the ICU. He entered the room, and found himself surrounded by female physicians.

Bailey, Jo, Callie, Amelia, Maggie, Arizona, and April all greeted him with warm smiles. Meredith sat up in bed, looking a little less pale and a lot less distraught.

"We were just finishing rounds, but Meredith had something she wanted to say." Arizona said, tracing circles with her finger on Meredith's palm.

The majority of the surgeons filed out of the room. Jo stood up, offering Derek her chair.

"Page me whenever Mer." She said as she left. Only Derek, Arizona and Meredith remained in the room.

Meredith glanced at Arizona, who gave her a reassuring nod.

"I'm not okay, but I love you." Meredith said, taking a shaky breath.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere Mer. It takes as long as it takes, I want you to be better." Derek said. To his surprise, Meredith reached out, grasping his hand. He returned the gesture, smiling.

"You can go, I'll be alright." She whispered. Arizona nodded, exiting the room. Meredith shifted in bed, making room for Derek to lay down.

"Are you sure? It's okay if you're not ready."

"It's okay. It helps.. to be held. Just uh.. don't hold me down." Derek nodded, carefully climbing into the bed. He draped an arm over her waist.

"Is this okay?" He asked. She nodded, burrowing into his chest and sighing. Derek smiled as the familiar sound of light snores returned to his ears.

•••

Meredith blinked sleepily, awakening  slowly to an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.

"Der." She muttered, shaking her sleeping husband.

"Hm?" He said, quickly sitting up.

"Bucket." She whispered early. Derek grabbed a basin, holding it under Meredith's chin as she vomited.

"You're okay." He whispered, soothingly rubbing her back. A nurse quickly entered the room.

"What's going on?" She asked, paging through Meredith's chart.

"She woke up and began vomiting. Can you rerun her blood work?" Derek asked, concerned. She nodded and left the room.

"Can you get up?" Meredith asked, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Of course." Derek said reassuringly, carefully getting out of the bed.

Moments later,  Arizona entered the room frowning.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked immediately.

"Meredith.. you're pregnant."

hey guys! thank you for reading!! sorry it took so long to update!

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