Lean On Me- Merder

Be Still, My Soul

"How about her eyes and skin?"

A knot formed in Derek's throat. He sat in the stiff chair of the conference room, signing paperwork as Meredith's power of attorney.

"You want to take her eyes?" He asked softly, his voice cracking. Arizona, who sat next to him placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.

How could he possibly be discussing organ donation for who wife who, not even 48 hours ago had been fine, all things considered.

"Meredith would want to help, she would give everything."

The legal representative nodded, indicating where Derek should sign. He scribbled his signature down and slid the paper across the table, sighing.

"There's uh... one more.." The lawyer began cautiously. Arizona vigorously shook her head, signaling now that now was not the time.

"What is it?" Derek asked expectantly.

"Sir, maybe we should wait-"

"GIVE ME THE PAPERS." Derek shouted, quickly loosing his temper. The lawyer nodded, and slid a final piece of paper

"This is the.."

"Death Certificate?" Derek looked up across the table, his eyes blazing with anger.

"It's easier if you sign it... before.." Arizona muttered. Derek shook his head, and forcefully pushed the paper away and off the table.

"I'm not signing that." He said, getting up and starting to walk out the door.

"Derek-" He ignored Arizona's calm voice and slammed the door shut.

•••

"Hey Mer." Derek whispered, clutching his wife's fragile hand. He felt so tiny in the large, cold, calculating ICU room.

A surgeon grows used to the noise of a ventilator. It's clicking noise populates every OR, and circulates the ICU hallway. It was clinical, even normal.

Except, there's nothing normal when your wife is relying on a ventilator to breathe. Derek shivered at the familiar noise, feeling deeply unsettled.

His shunt placement was flawless, but there was too much swelling. The damage had been done.

He was a neurosurgeon with a brain dead wife.

"What time is it?" Derek asked blearily as Bailey entered the room.

"Almost 5." She replied sympathetically.

5:00, when his Meredith, his breath of fresh air would be taken to the OR and harvested for parts, just another brain dead organ donor who was gone as quick as they had come.

"Are you sure you don't want to go finish the paperwork?" Arizona asked cautiously, following Bailey into the ICU room. Derek shook his head.

"I'm gonna spend time with my wife while she's still here." He muttered, stroking her hair.

•••

4:48

12 minutes.

Derek stared intently at his wife's face, willing himself to take in every detail, every feature.

He looked at her closed eyelids, which once covered bright green eyes full of life.

He looked at her lips, which had kissed him right before he fell asleep, as soon as he woke up, and between bites of pasta when they came back from work too tired to cook.