maybe a little. // fred weasley x reader

13. one year.

you woke up the next day same as the last, cuddled up in your bed with fred as your friends filled the others. you were again the first up, you always were. you never knew why though you really weren't a morning person. you got up, took a shower, got ready for the day. for the first bit of the day you forgot. you forgot what day it was. or how horrible a day it would be. for a moment, you forgot today was the one year anniversary of your fathers passing.

you were mad at yourself for forgetting even if it was for a moment, but in that moment you were calm and pretty ok with how things were going. it hit you when you were checking off the day in the calendar. you did not know what to do. you did not know how to feel. should you be sad? should you be angry? you just didn't know, but at the same time why force yourself to pick an emotion. isn't it better to be numbed and not feel it at all? you didn't want anyone to see your hurt so you decided keeping it to yourself was best. you weren't gonna have a reaction to this, because you didn't know if you would be able to recover. it was not like you could go hide in your dorm like normal, because everyone was already there. you walked out of the dorm into the corridors. you had no certain place in mind, but you just needed to get out.

you walked and walked thinking about nothing and everything, feeling it all but then not feeling at all. you didn't want to feel it though, because you knew how bad it hurt. after a while you made your way down a long hallway on the east wing of the castle where there was a small little room that contained a fire place, a dark red couch and a circle shaped coffee table. one whole wall of the room was a bookshelf. covered from ceiling to floor with any book ever. you, George and Fred found it when you were in  second year. it was where you the three of you went to get away from everyone. nobody else knew it was there. not even you 3 other best friends. 

the was a small matchbox on the table and a bunch of wood next to the fireplace so you grabbed them both and started a fire then sat down on the far side of the couch. you tucked you knees to your chest and stared at the fire. why was it that things like this happened? why did they happen to you? it wasn't fair you thought. not to anyone who has lost their favorite person. you sat in that position for what seemed like days, but was actually only a few hours. you didn't move, you didn't breathe to hard, you didn't cry, nothing. you just stayed.

there was only the noise of your light breath and the crackling fire, and they were putting you too sleep and you wanted to fall asleep then the day would be over quicker. finally you were about the fall asleep when the door opened. you didn't turn back to see who it was. he came and sat next to you on the couch leaving about 6 inches between you two when you finally looked to see who it was. George. he looked worried, he had his hands on his thigh aggressive running them up and down them while his left leg shook uncontrollably. he looked nervous. you met eyes with him and his whole body relaxed. he saw you. you didn't have to say anything but he knew how bad you were hurting, he knew your mind was going crazy. he scooted closer and wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed his head on top yours. "i've got you, you'll be ok" George said. your body relaxed, you didn't realize how tense you were. and a single tear fell from your right eye. " it's so hard Georgie" he pulled you a little closer.
" i know."

in that moment you were so glad your best friend was there with you. he understood you so well. and he always knew the perfect thing to say or do to at least ease the pain a little. "you know you've been here for almost 6 hours.i was worried since well you know" you grabbed his hand and held it between both of yours. " thank you." he didn't say anything but you knew that he got it. you understood him just as he did you. you really truly believed George was your platonic soulmate. and everyone who knew you guys did to.

you both fell asleep, and ended up walking up hours later it, was now around 11:00 pm. you two eventually made your way out of the room and started on the path back to the dorms. " i didn't mean to take up your whole day" you looked up at him. " you didn't i promise. i can only imagine the things going on in your head right now and i know you just needed someone there with you." you gave a soft smile. " i'm glad you found me in there" he threw his arms over your shoulders " i knew where you going the second i heard you leave the dorm this morning." you furrow your brows at him. " oh sorry i thought i was the only one awake." he just chuckled a bit and you two walked the rest of the way to the common room.

when you got back to the common room it was empty besides one person sitting on the couch in front of the fire and of corse it was Fred. as soon as he heard the portrait open he jumped up and then backed down awkwardly because he didn't want to bombard you guy. " hey guys" he said as he tucked his hands into his front pockets of his jeans. " hey" you and George said at the same time. the was a weird silence, like nobody wanted to say anything to upset you.

"well i'm going to go now, goodnight" George said waving as he headed to the boys dorms. you waved back the walked over and sat on the couch, Fred following in suit. he took in a long breath and let it out loudly. "how are you?" he said. he was sitting a lot closer to you then George did but he was doing the same nervous thigh rubbing George had when they were talking about this. " as well as to be expected i guess" he sighed but he stayed tense a lot longer than his brother had. " actually y/n" you sighed getting up from the couch, you started pacing back and forth from one arm of the couch to another. you grabbed the back of your neck then ran your hands through your hair and back down to your neck. " i'm angry Freddie. and i don't know why." he finally relaxed a bit, but still stayed in the same spot in the couch, you continued pacing. "you do know." he went to speak again but you cut him off. " your right i do know. i'm angry because this isn't fair. it's not fair that i lose one of my favorite people ever. it's not fair that i lost him and got stuck with a shitty mom who hates me. i'm angry at him. why did he have to go, why did he leave me?" you were talking faster and faster as you went on and each sentence you spoke your tone became louder and more angry. " FUCK ITS JUST NOT FAIR!" as you finished your sentence Fred came up behind you and placed his hands on the side of your arms. you turned to him and collapsed into him. you were both brought to the floor. you finally let it out. you started crying. in a soft tone completely different from how you were just yelling you spoke "it's just not fair." you grabbed the back of his shirt and squeezed it as he held you. " i know y/n i know." he said rubbing your back. "why is it that all the bad things have to happen to me?" he sighed and pulled you closer to his body. " i don't know, but you don't deserve it." you couldn't get any words out. so you just squeezed him tighter and he did the same back. and you two sat holding each other on the floor in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

after a while you stopped crying and pulled your head off fred's chest. he looked down at you feeling your movement. "let me walk you to your dorm" you smiled and nodded yes. he got up off the floor first then put a hand out for you to grab and he helped you up. when you were both up you didn't let go of his hand. you shifted it your fingers intertwined with his and you guys walked up to the girls dorm.

"thanks Freddie, and i'm sorry again for always crying around you. it's just i've been having a lot of hard days recently." he let go of your hand and pulled you into a hug placing his head on top yours. "don't be sorry, i know it's been tough." he pulled away and placed his hands on your cheeks and placed a kiss on your forehead, in response you put your hands on top of his which were still on your face. he brought his head down so your foreheads were pressing against each other's and sat there for about 30 seconds before he spoke quietly, " go get some rest love." you smiled for the first time all day. he called you love. you pulled one hand away to open the door but never let go of his other one. you held it as longs as you could. and as you were walking backwards into the room, you mouthed the words thank you to Fred and he made a little heart shape with his hands which he held at his chest until you closed the door. fuck had your feelings for Fred gotten seemingly strong. but besides the point, you were glad that those two boys were always there when you needed them the most.

when you looked around your dorm you saw that both Katie, and Angie were both sleeping so you just walked over to your bed. and saw a note on the pillow which read the following.

we tried to stay awake but you were gone forever talked to you in the morning, we love you!
                xoxo, the girls+lee

the note made you smile knowing you had also many friends who cared. but it also made you wonder about the letters you wrote. you should be getting replies soon. sometimes the owls take a while. but the letters make you think about remus. you really wondered how he was doing because you weren't doing very well and he was probably worse. hopefully they would send letters back soon.

you moved the note off you pillow and got into bed staring at the ceiling until you fell asleep. hopefully things would get better soon.