Clearing

Chapter 7

THIS IS AT 140 READS???!?!?!???!?!!!
I'm- what??? Thank you all so so much for everything!!

here's an early chapter since it's half term for me at the moment <33

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I stumbled back to the castle, drowsiness taking over my body. I had waited a few minutes after Jean had left before I decided to make my way back as well, partially because I didn't want to bump into him in the halls, but mostly because my head had been spinning so much that I hadn't been able to stand.

My legs shook as I tugged my underwear back on, and I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at the speed of his departure. I had known before that it was only to take his mind off everything in his head, but I hadn't expected him to leave so abruptly.

Was it... did he regret it?

The raging thoughts in my head came back, only now they were insecure instead of lustful.

Was there something wrong with me? Was I too eager? Did he... did he actually not want it at all?

My eyes were drifting shut as I made my way over to the shower room, praying that nobody else would be awake. I felt far more indecent now than I had on my way out. The shirt I wore came down to my mid-thighs, so nothing inappropriate was visible, but it still looked a little skeptical.

I felt like I was on autopilot as I washed myself down, not bothering to fully remove my shirt out of exhaustion. I scrubbed my underwear under the water as well, trying to get rid of the evidence of everything that had occurred. The first rays of the sun were coming over the horizon when I walked back to my room, and I hoped that nobody would see me, and that Mikasa would still be asleep.

Pushing open the door took me a good minute, the effort it took to stop the hinge from creaking making my arms ache. I finally opened it enough for me to slip through and kicked off my boots and socks, shutting the door quietly behind me.

Despite the distractions of my simple tasks, my head didn't calm. I dropped onto my bed and stuffed my ruined underwear under my mattress, tugging on a new pair before I shifted to lie underneath the covers.

Sleep still evaded me, and I felt nauseous with guilt and worry every time I thought about everything that happened.

But... he initiated everything? Doesn't that mean- God, I hate this.

The sun was fully over the horizon by the time my head had quietened enough for my eyes to close.

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I woke up to Mikasa shaking my shoulder, calling my name. I peeled an eye open to glare at her.

"Mmmf?" Was all that came out of my mouth.

"You slept all day. We're eating now, and you need to have something." She tugged on my arm. "Come on."

I groaned, closing my eyes again and rolling off the edge of the bed. I sat on the floor as I pulled on my shoes, and Mikasa laughed quietly at me.

"You aren't going downstairs in just that." She pulled a skirt out of her drawers and held it out for me to step into. I tried not to get dirt from my shoes on the fabric, and was reasonably successful considering my state. I didn't bother to tuck the shirt in, but I was glad that I had at least decided to put on a bra before I went on my walk. Mikasa moved to do up the buttons at the side of the skirt.

The memories from the night before practically smacked me around the face, and I winced, remembering the cause for my exhaustion.

"What are you making that face for?" Mikasa asked, finished with buttoning the skirt. It hung down to my ankles, and I was glad for the cover. This meal was probably not going to be fun.