All This Time

nightmares in dreaming, nightmares in life

Summary: three times Diana experiences a nightmare, and the one time Steve's life become one.

i.

The first time Diana has a nightmare, it's the night after Steve's unofficial funeral and she's staying with Etta. The whole week had been terrible and Diana was exhausted enough she usually slept through the night, but this night was different. This night, as Diana lays curled up in the bed of Etta's guest bedroom after one of the most emotionally draining days of her life, she wakes up with a scream lodged in her throat and terror filling her chest.

Something is wrong, she knows it, and it has to be something horrible if it pulled her from her sleep so abruptly. She can't remember what she'd been dreaming, but she's never felt fear like this: sharp and unyielding in the middle of the night.

"Diana?"

It's Etta. She knows it's Etta on the other side of the door, but Diana can't respond. Words fail her and when Etta opens the door, allowing light to spill in from the hallway, Diana realises she's crying.

"You alright, love?" Etta asks, stepping cautiously into the room. "You were making quite a fuss and I know how the boys get sometimes."

"Something's wrong," Diana whispers. She still doesn't know what, but the fear in her chest has taken up residence now and there's no getting rid of it. "Etta, something's wrong with me."

Etta looks more worried now and hurries over to Diana's bed. She gently pulls Diana's hand from the bed sheets that she's clutching a bit too tightly and rubs the back of her hand soothingly.

"What's wrong, love?" Etta asks. The question is simple enough, but that's just the problem, isn't it? Diana has no idea what's wrong, she just knows something is.

"I do not know." She wipes at her cheeks as more tears well up in her eyes and looks down at her hand strangely. "I woke up and knew something was wrong. What happened, Etta? What's wrong?"

"Oh, love," Etta sighs, squeezing Diana's hand. "You must have had a nightmare."

Diana gives her a curious look, wondering what a nightmare was and if it was a common problem among humans. Should she be worried that she has it now too?

"A bad dream," Etta tells her. She pats Diana's hand comfortingly. "Charlie and Sameer have them all the time. Steve did too. It comes with fighting in a War."

"But I did not dream," Diana objects. She can't remember dreaming and even if she did, weren't dreams always peaceful?

"Sometimes that's the worst part of nightmares." Diana isn't sure Etta is making any sense, but she lets her explain some more with the hope that maybe, just maybe, it will help explain why Diana is so panicked. "When you fight in a war, sometimes you have bad dreams that wake you up at night. Some people remember them, but others do not."

"Why would I not remember them if they are bad?" Diana asks. She certainly remembers all the bad things that happened in the war. Why would a dream be any different?

"It's better that way," Etta tells her. Diana doubts it, but Etta seems to know what she's talking about and Diana can already feel the fear slowly disappearing.

"What do people do after? After a nightmare?"

"Some people go right back to sleep." There's no way Diana will be doing that and Etta must see it on her face, because she follows it up by saying, "But others stay up. They read books or listen to a vinyl."

"I will do that," Diana decides. After all, she's seen Etta's bookshelf and she wants to read what man has read. "What is the best book to read after a nightmare?"