Little Star // a Steve Rogers, Captain America, Avengers story

At Least I Know Where He Is

Tony's funeral had been almost unbearable. 

Standing by the lake with their colleagues, buffeted on all sides by the heartbreak and pain, as well as the undercurrent of guilt that his sacrifice was the single reason they, and the rest of the world, were there. She mustered all of her strength and stood, alone, just behind Jim and Happy. She rested a hand on each of their backs and gave them as much comfort as she could.

Peter and his Aunt May had been near to her as well, and she did her best to soothe the ache in the boy. She didn't know the extent of Mantis' powers, but she believed that the lovely non-terrestrial was doing what she could. She could feel Thor and Bruce behind her, sending her strength. As the ceremony ended and the crowd dispersed around the house, Ellie found herself feeling physically weak and wavered on her feet.

Instantly Bucky was at her side, arm around her, asking, "Ellie, what's wrong?"

"I'm alright. I think the reading and sending I was doing, and the effort it took to keep my own sadness tucked away tired me out a bit, that's all. Shall we sit on the porch?"

"Do you want to carry you?"

"Of course not. I'm feeling better already."

On the porch she balanced a plate on her belly and picked at her food while the team paid court to Pepper and then to her. It made her uncomfortable, receiving so much attention on a day that she felt should belong to Pepper and Morgan, but soon she realized that while they mourned Tony, and Steve, they needed the hope of this baby. JB's presence, more than her own gifts, was helping them through the day.

This was her first opportunity to meet many of the returned. She found Stephen Strange perplexing and unsettling, with a brain that functioned like no other she knew, but he was kind. The Wakandans were very intense and intelligent, and Captain Marvel seemed to exist on a plane far from their own.

It was nice to see Scott again and to meet Hope. The Guardians were the most boisterous, in a subdued way, of course. She loved Drax the minute she put her hand on his bumpy arm. So pure and honest. Gamora was not yet certain where she fit in, but Ellie sensed that as long as she was with Quill she would find her place. He loved her fiercely.

Clint was still reeling from the loss of Natasha. They all were. Bruce was bottling it up, but Ellie knew it would come to the surface soon enough. She hoped he would let her help him. And then there was Sam. He had taken the loss of Steve even harder than she would have expected. It took some work on her part, but she got him to agree to come to Aprillia for a few days so that she could help him. She was certain it would be good for both of them.

To avoid falling asleep in her chair, Ellie stood and went to find Pepper, asking Bucky to have the jet ready in fifteen minutes. She seemed to have first dibs on team transportation these days and she didn't mind one bit.

Pepper was on the back porch, crying. Ellie gave her a hug and sent everything good and loving and peaceful that she had to her friend.

"Oh God, Ellie, thank you. I didn't want to ask. I know what you've been doing here today, and you must be so tired. You're hurting just as much as I am. More."

"How can that be? This is your husband's funeral. Even I can't understand exactly what you're feeling."

"Ellie, Tony's gone, but at least I know where he is. How do you do it? How do you not fall apart, not knowing?"

"Somehow it's the not knowing that keeps me from falling apart. Until I have proof, in front of me, that he's... that he's gone forever, then I have hope. I cling to that hope like it's the only thing keeping me alive. It might be the only thing keeping me alive. No, that's not true. JB keeps me alive. Anna and Luke keep me alive. Mom and Dad and Charlie, and the team keep me alive. I have a lot to live for. I'm going to be ok. So are you. You're one of the strongest, most resilient people I know. But I'll give you a hug any time you need one. Promise me you'll never hesitate to ask again."

"I do. I promise. I hear the jet. You'd better get home and I'd better go visit with my guests. I love you, Ellie."

"I love you too. Bring Morgan for a playdate soon. The spare rooms are always ready for you."

"Thank you. We'll see you soon."

As the jet lifted slowly from the clearing behind the house, everyone looked up and waved. Avengers Assembled, she thought. Tony and Steve would be so pleased.