Secrets and Rendezvous

Chapter 11: Wanted and Feared

"Betty, I did this for us!"

"NO! Judith, you did this for you! You have this uncontrollable need to fix everything! You attract trouble Jud!" Her voice breaks and her eyes sparkle and wet with unshed tears. "You risked your life and you were stupid! You-You were fucking shot you self-righteous, stupid, idiotic, illogical woman!" She's panting now, her chest heaving up and down with anger. Her eyes are hard and gleaming as she glares at me.

"I'm sorry Betty." I say, as I lift my uninjured arm to place it on her lap. She grabs hold of my hand and lets me continue. "Why on earth should we be silent? Why should we not speak out against this? Why not fight this battle now so future generations don't have to? Why should future people like ourselves fight this battle because we were too scared? People fear us Betty! But what in god's name is there to fear about two women loving each other in this way? What's there to fear about men loving each other in this way? People fear this...fear us because our government and our society has said it was wrong and that it should be feared. Gays are getting beat to death in the streets, thrown in jail, and even...even killed. We aren't wrong Betty! Love no matter what form it comes in is beautiful! We are beautiful! And I'll be damned if I let these small minded idiots take away our human right to love. I won't stand for it. And neither should you."

By this point Betty's gaze has softened and she gives me a small smile. "You always were ahead of your time Judith..." I sigh and roll my eyes. "I'm not ahead of my time...it's the world whose fallen behind and can't catch up." Frustration builds inside me as Betty just sits there silently, her gaze hollow and empty, obviously deep in thought. After a moment she sighs, shakes her head and looks at me.

"At some point in your life Judith you're gonna have to slow down so that the world can catch up."

"The world isn't trying hard enough!" I snap back sharply.

"And YOU are trying too hard to race the world, dammit!" She spits out.

"I just want equality-"

"And you think I don't?! You think I don't want to be able to hold your hand in public? You think I don't want to openly love you and freely say it without fear? You think I don't want to marry?! I would kill for that equality but it's not gonna happen so quickly! Nor will it happen with violence. You are fighting fire with fire. Eventually you're gonna get burned Judith."

"You say you'd kill for equality...then why in god's name aren't you?"

Betty slumps against the back of our little green velvet couch and sighs defeated. She looks tired, dark bags under her eyes, messy hair and blood crusted nails. She sighs once more before speaking quietly, her words quivering slightly. "Because I'm scared Judith. Like you should be."

I rub her hand and smile at her hesitantly "You think I'm not scared Betty? Every time I drove to one of our meetings it felt as if my heart was in my throat and my head was filled with worry. Not only for me but for you and everyone at the meetings. Every time I left I didn't know if I would make it back."

"If you were so scared and you feared for your life then why...why go?" She inquired softly.

"I'm just one life Betty. I know this war isn't going to end anytime soon and I know that many more are gonna die and live for future generations. We have to start somewhere darling. We are just the wood and the leaves of the fire. And believe the fire hasn't even started yet. And once the fire is started, our government and our society will no longer be able to ignore us and they'll never be able to put us out."

"But why do YOU have to be the one to start the fire Judith? You're risking your life for people who don't even live at this time! Why can't you just be happy with what we have!" My heart breaks as Betty pleads with me. Her eyes wide and pleading. Desperate.

"Because darling, no one else will."

"The cops are gonna be looking for you Judith. They're gonna be looking for everyone who escaped that raid. How long do you think you'll be able to stay hidden? Honestly?"

I take a deep breath as I come to terms with the fact that I'm a wanted woman. I know I won't be able to stay hidden for long and it's going to be difficult to hide a bullet wound. There will be posters and ads in the paper and more cops on the streets than usual. I know deep down I will eventually be found but Betty can't know. I can't add more stress to her.

"It shouldn't be too hard darling. I'll take care of it."

The rest of the week I suffer through work doing my best not to jostle my arm. Each night I get home drenched in sweat from the tension the pain causes. It's Friday night and Betty walks in the door at half past three. Four hours earlier than usual. She looks nervously around the room before setting her purse on the floor by the couch where I'm laying down, writhing in pain.

"Why are you home so early?" I wince through the pain.

"Slow day. And uhh..." She bites her lip as she picks up her bag and starts to dig around in it. Her eyes dart back and forth before pulling a small paper bag out. I look at her quizzically. "I couldn't stand seeing you in so much pain...I stole some antibiotics and sedatives from the hospital."

"Y-you what? Betty you could have been caught!"

She opens the paper bag and sets two small pill bottles on the little table in front of the couch. "I still could be. It was worth the risk."

"Why Betty?" I ask as she rolls my left sleeve up and starts to unbandage the wound.

"I'm only one life..." She whispers softly, quoting what I said to her last week. She focuses on undressing the wound and nods appreciatively when she sees it. "Thankfully it's not infected..." She mutters to herself before getting up and returning with a bottle of alcohol and a towel. She hums softly as she wipes and cleans the wound before wrapping it with a clean strip of cloth.

She grabs me a glass of water and pulls out an antibiotic pill holding my head up so I can swallow. She reaches for the sedative bottle but I grab her arm stopping her.

"What is it Judith?" Her brows scrunch together as she looks down at me worriedly.

"Marry me Betty."

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