Secrets and Rendezvous

Chapter 12: Church and Gospel

*WARNING! CONTAINS ABUSE, CURSING, AND THREATS OF RAPE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*

"Do we seriously have to go to church with our families Betty?" I whine as we get dressed in our sunday best. She looks over at me, rolling her eyes at my tone. "Don't use that tone with me Judith. We promised we'd be there!" I pull my skirt on and tuck my blouse in. My shoulder is mostly healed but still causes me a little pain at times. I know I can't use it as an excuse to miss church.

I pull a yellow sweater over my white blouse and sit down in front of our vanity. I pull my curlers out and start rolling and pinning my long hair in place. My shoulder strains to reach the back of my head but I just can't do it. Frustrated I slam my brush down roughly on the vanity, angry tears threatening to spill out. Betty rushes in and sees me slouching on the stool, half my hair up, the other half hanging loosely down.

She walks over to me and picks up some pins and the brush pushing me back into the seat. She sighs softly and tightly rolls and pins my hair into place. "You know darlin, it doesn't hurt to ask for help." I don't respond. After Betty is done pinning my hair I mutter "Thank you." and start painting my lips a dark rouge.

After I paint my face I step out to the little kitchenette where Betty is leaning against the counter nursing a mug of herbal tea. "You still haven't answered my question darlin." I state matter-of-factly, leaning against the wall by the ice box.

Betty's attention is solely focused on the cracked mug in her hands. She won't meet my eyes as she turns to set her mug down on the counter with a loud thump. "You know we can't get married Judith. It's illegal."

"Fuck that Betty!"

"Don't you dare swear at me Judith. I will not say yes to an unrealistic dream."

I lower my head and walk towards her reaching out to hold her. I whisper in her ear as I fold her in my arms. "I love you and I would break any law to be with you."

She won't meet my eyes, I can tell she's pissed at me and won't speak any further on the topic of marriage, She sets her mug down, grabs her purse and heads out the door, signaling it's time to go to church. Time to worship a God who says "Love thy neighbor as thyself" yet tells us it's a sin to love each other...what a hypocrite.

The car ride is long, quiet and uncomfortable. Betty won't meet my eyes the whole car ride to the church. Our parents are meeting out front of the large stone building. I shiver slightly as we walk up the steps to meet them.

I hug my mother and kiss my fathers cheek lightly. He pats my wounded shoulder forcing me to hold in a cry of pain. My mother walks with a cane now since two years ago she fell down the stairs and broke her hip. She has a crooked posture and a limp but somehow she is still angelic and beautiful.

I say a quick hello to Betty's parents before mother, father and I walk to our pew. I kneel down between my parents and bow my head. I make the sign of the cross before pulling myself up onto the hard wooden bench. The father walks forward, prays for our souls and begins his sermon.

"The Bible says if a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." I do my best not to look behind me at Betty. I focus my eyes on Father Johnson as fear burrows itself in my stomach.

"This goes for women lying with women as well. Homosexuality is a sin and thanks to the NYPD we have protection against such evil-doers! We shall snuff out the sinners and the abominations that plague our free land. May all homosexuals burn in hell for they have already slept with the devil."

The congregation replies with an "Amen!" and Father Johnson continues. "A few weeks ago our holy police force put an end to a gathering of homosexuals right here in New York." The congregation titters and my heart flutters with fear. "They were gathered in the home of Jim Hopherns. Our policeman knocked multiple times only to get no response. They had no choice but to break the door down and they were met with violence and homemade weapons. They had no choice but to shoot. Every homosexual there was killed except for a female, who escaped with only a shot to the shoulder. But fear not, our police are ready to find this criminal and bring peace back to our beautiful city!"

The congregation cheers as Father Johnson calls three members of the NYPD up in front of the altar. "These fine men believe that this dangerous woman is here today! If she does not come forward an innocent woman shall die in her place!"

My mind swims with fear as the policemen drag a woman from her seat. She screams and kicks with anguish as her three children watch their mother get dragged by her hair to the front of the church. Her makeup runs with the tears and her husband strains against the arms of a policeman. I look back at Betty who has her face buried in her mothers shoulder. She stares at me and shakes her head, internally begging me not to do it.

I look forward as the policemen beat at her with their clubs and Father Johnson says a prayer, wishing the evil out. Pain stabs my chest as I rise slowly and trip and step over the legs of other members of the church. My mother grabs my sleeve, confusion written across her face. I sob and hug her. "I'm sorry mother. Forgive me."

I step into the aisle, take a deep breath and scream. "STOP! Here I am!" 

My face is streaked with tears as my father holds my sobbing mother back as she struggles to get to me. She fights against his concrete grip crying out for me. Begging for me. Her little girl. Her homosexual little girl. The policemen hit my knees, forcing me to the ground.

The congregation is in a stir as the police place me in handcuffs and kick me whilst I lay helpless on the cold floor. I scream in pain as one of them kicks my healing shoulder. My voice cracks with agony as I cry out.

Finally, they drag me up off the ground and half carry half drag me towards the looming front doors of the church. I weakly tilt my head towards Betty who stares at me, eyes wide, cheeks streaked with black tears. Her hair is awry and her hand covers her mouth as fresh tears stain her rosy cheeks even more.

I'm thrown into the back of the car and taken down to the station. I inspect my reflection in the mirror. My face is starting to bruise and my lip is split. I smile to inspect my teeth, finding them red with blood. I can hardly move my shoulder and my ribs hurt. I'll have bruises for weeks.

We arrive downtown and I'm dragged into the station.

"We have another fag here for processing." One of them says boisterously.

"At least I'm not a fat, male, misogynistic pig." I say with all the confidence I can muster. One of the cops angrily grips my face while the other holds me taught from behind. I'm unable to move. Unable to speak. "You asking for the chair m'lady? You wanna die?" The pig holding my face spits out. He loosens his grip waiting for an answer. "I'd rather die than be caged like an animal." I say flatly.

My face stings as he backhands me across the face. "Maybe you just need a man to fix you. You just need to be fucked by a real man. Dontcha?"

My eyes flood with tears as he leans in slowly and whispers in my ear "Be careful missy...I might sneak into your cell and convert you one of these nights. Enjoy your stay."