Our Memories

Fear of losing

Another morning with a simple glaze of sun strokes around the tribe, with it's people drenching into their family times. The land of Söğüt had a different impact on its people, those land had showed them the migration, martyr's blood and all those problems were worth it. Specially when they had their own lands to call.

All the tests of life are indeed always worthy.

KAYI MARQUE.

The table for breakfast was placed, followed by the family members who took their place. They felt like this day held a whole different vibe. It was peaceful, happy, content, satisfied, and with togetherness. What else they could wish for.

Everyone had their respective seats as usual. But the environment seems silent than usual.

"What's up Osman?" Halime asked, attentively.

Osman immediately hummed, coming out of daydream.

"Nothing... Nothing, Ana." He ignored his mother's question and zoned back into his thoughts again. It went noticed by all the family members present in table.

It was way unusual for ten years old Osman to be this quiet and thoughtful. Being the younger child, he was always pampered and had the most naughtiest nature amongst his siblings Gunduz and Savçi. His racy complexion was something that always kept Kayi Marque lively.

No one reacted though.

Ertugrul and Halime noticed it too, but they felt more right to give their son some time of himself, rather than unnecessary pressures. Halime assured Ertugrul she will take care. He gave her a nod with a smile.

*******

Taking his belongings, very shortly after breakfast, Ertugrul left with a goodbye for some short works in Pazar. Being responsible women's, Halime and Hayme along with other women's indulged in the tribe's works. Having some lame walks and talks, Gunduz too went out with his friends, Savçi being medical lover headed to Artuk Bey. But at a place far from everyone's eyes, Osman quietly had a seat near some fences. The only lone place he found. He took a brief glimpse of his surroundings, it seemed busy.

Osman took a deep sigh. No matter what he do, he can't manipulate his own mind from some sequences of dream. Only a dream right, but he felt more than that. A melancholy utterance took over his innocent face, as he flickered his dagger.

"When someone calls for their mother, I feel my heart is breaking."

"When I hears the word mother, I feel sad."

"I am missing my mother whom I never saw."

Unexpectedly, a stream of pulled back tears flowed from Osman's eyes. He hold this urge from the very morning. Never in his life, he ever had a second thought of his life without his mother. But today he got forced to had it, after that dream.

Osman's eyes went into the whole series of dream, where he witnessed the death of his mother just after his birth. Where he grew up to this age as an orphan, and with an empty heart unaware of a mother's shadow. But the above of all, it all felt real. So real-some until a jerk disturbed his deep slumber.

He had little control on his flowing tears, but his heart sank deep in the fear, as he questioned himself about what the dream can mean? Will his mother leave him? Or he is going to lose his mother forever now. The more little mind slopped into mere possibilities, the more it scared his inner self.

Ignorant with a presence, she slided her hand on Osman's arm stroking him softly. Osman's eyes averted towards Halime, and both remained calm. Neither Osman went into hurry to hide his tears, nor Halime showed a panick response to them. She silently took a seat adjacent to him, embracing him into her arms.

Osman stirred a bit, and engulfed himself into Halime's arms whole. Halime caressed his back, which ultimately calmed Osman.

"What happened My Osman?" Halime asked softly once he was stable.

"Ana..." Osman stiffened.

"You won't leave me right!" He finally blurted out going inside him. Halime rested her urge to giggle at his innocence, having actual idea of what could've been the reason of his sadness.

"And what can be the reason to leave you all Osmanım?" She responded.

Osman felt puzzled. He didn't asked what he actually wanted to, Halime too didn't replied what she should. He confusingly saw her.

"I mean... what will I do leaving you, tell me? I am not having any other husband to love me unconditionally, not any other elder child to be a problem solver to him, not any middle child to help him with science and not any younger one to deal with tantrums!" Halime cleared it out.

Osman actually giggled on his mother's last line. Because he can't deny the fact that he is handful in the marque in just everything.

Halime cupped his right cheek lovely, "Not even the whole world will be worth accepting in exchange of what I have sweetheart."

His eyes felt a relief. She was right. Even he knew the value of having a family, as he saw many yearning for it with his own eyes. Osman nodded at her.

"So you see, I won't leave you ever, until my death." Halime said. But Osman's smile got faint listening the name of death, and he felt the rising of fear in his heart upon hearing it.

"Why are you saying like that Ana?" He asked worriedly. This time Halime left out a loud chuckle.

"Because that's what the truth is. Death is inevitable son. That's the bitter truth of life every person should be ready for. We should never be scared of it. We all came from that Almighty, and to him we shall return some or the other day." She tried to explain in calm way, which seemed work.

"But Ana..."

"But don't let anything overpower your mind Osman. These worries only reduce our short time with our loved ones, instead love with them in every different way." Halime interrupted him, which made Osman understood.

He got quiet. But got the point. After a moment of silence, he let out a smile. A genuine smile to Halime which she returned too.

"I understood Ana." He said smilingly, and gave Halime a hug. She felt good though, as she always knew parenting is not easy but not impossible too. And she grabbed all chances to learn to be a good mother, turning her into latter.

As they didn't had anyone's attention, Halime saw Ertugrul coming back. She broke the hug with Osman.

"Look your Baba came. How about scaring him in the marque from behind." She thought it as a chance to cheer him as she also had been a crime partner to her children.

Osman's eyes immediately lit up and he jumped on the idea "Yess, that too with my sword. It will be fun."

Without waiting, he ran away with a laugh. Halime too laughed out.

"Osman, wait but..." Giggling, she too went behind him, leaving the sadness to no one. Loving anyone also needs to be picked by, sometimes!

Love of any form can't exist without fear, if the thought of losing someone doesn't scare, it's not love.