I do not have any more time for heavy sighs.
Or, rather, I'm so used to the chaos we live in that I have no more need for them.
Listening to the radio in the car with my mom,
NPR airing a piece about a rape victim,
She lets out a sigh heavier than the Jeep Liberty we're speeding down the highway in.
And as I rethink the sentence she had just sighed after,
I almost wanted to laugh.
And then I wanted to cry.
Laughter doesn't belong in the same space as a survivor telling her story.
But at the same time, bullets don't belong in the same place children go to school.
Rebranded concentration camps don't belong in the same place as the citizens of The Land of The Free. Or anywhere, really.
Sexual assault doesn't belong attached to the same name as a member of the Supreme Court.
Racism doesn't belong in a country founded on asylum seekers. Although, what should you expect from murderers?
When I hear generations above me say "how horrible" everything that's happening is,
When they heavy sigh and shake their heads and ask what this worlds come to,
I want to scream.
When you spend your life breaking the system,
Stacking the odds against people of color and poverty,
Demonizing same sex marriages to the point of suicide,
Witch hunting trans people and drag queens,
Making excuse after excuse for your son who's been accused of rape more times than years he's been alive,
And refusing to save the environment out of convenience to yourself and your habits,
You do not deserve the right to heavy sigh.
You do not get to murmur about how awful it must be,
How sad you are for the families of those suffering,
How wrong it is no one's doing anything to help.
You do not get to have pity for a hellscape of your own creation.
I was born into a world of hatred and smoke and "this was the hottest summer on record" EVERY SUMMER.
Heavy sighs are for those that don't have to worry about the lives they've ruined, the planet they've destroyed, the economy they've fucked over.
Older generations don't have to worry. They're on their way out, they've had their kids and bought their houses and saved for retirement.
I, on the other hand, can do nothing BUT worry. There's so much damage that needs to be fixed and so little time to do it.
My life is only so long yet I need to fix this place before I bring my kids into a world where we have bulletproof backpacks instead of gun laws.
So no, I don't heavy sigh anymore. I don't have the time to wish things were different. I have to be what makes them so.
