espresso shot ; njm ✔️

8

the bustling cafe held its usual morning charm as jaemin stepped in, his gaze instantly drawn to aera in conversation with donghyuck. donghyuck's early morning energy surprised him; after all, mornings and donghyuck rarely shared a positive relationship.

jaemin pushed aside his slight irritation and approached the pair. unsettled by aera talking to another guy, especially a close friend, he couldn't help but ask donghyuck why he was there.

"we were just discussing jisung's upcoming birthday," donghyuck replied casually, seemingly unaware of jaemin's inner turmoil. "it's only two days away, so..."

right, jisung's birthday. that had slipped jaemin's mind.

not wanting to intrude further on their conversation, jaemin slipped aera his card and mentioned she could get his coffee whenever she wished, before heading to his regular spot, his mood palpably glum.

observing jaemin's isolated state, aera couldn't shake off the feeling that something troubled him. however, donghyuck's departure redirected her attention.

despite the enjoyable conversation, donghyuck sensed aera's lingering worry for jaemin. prioritizing his friends, he abruptly excused himself, leaving aera deep in thought about the visibly troubled jaemin.

without delay, aera busied herself, preparing jaemin's coffee and a delightful bagel with strawberry cream cheese, a change from his usual coffee-only orders. she approached him quietly, her voice delicate, almost fragile, as she explained, "i got you a bagel because i've never seen you eat. i paid for everything too."

jaemin remained silent, refusing to engage, despite a part of him yearning to open up. his inner turmoil stifled his voice. he didn't want her to see him so broken down over what? one of his friends talking to her? 

no, it was more than that. 

 so much more. 

 she wouldn't understand.  

sensing his disinterest in conversation, aera respectfully asked if he wanted her to leave, and he nodded, prompting her departure to tend to another customer.

inside, jaemin was engulfed in a tempest of emotions, convinced he didn't deserve her kindness or concern. his mind whispered words of self-doubt and unworthiness, drowning out any potential solace.

tears welled up, unseen by others, as he felt trapped in his emotions, unable to break free. it was like he was stuck in a big black cave with no way out. once in a while he would see the tiniest amount of light streaming through a sliver in the wall, but when he reached out for it, the crevice would seal, leaving him all alone in the darkness once again. the agony tore through him, but he hid it behind a facade.

at this point, jaemin was in full on tears, but he didn't let it show. his head was facing down into his arms, so that no one would notice anything. 

 you don't deserve to be happy. 

 he wanted to scream, just let out the most gut-wrenching agonizing scream to free the nasty demons inside of him. but they were trapped, dragging him way down deep with them all. 

jaemin slightly lifted his head up and gazed through his bangs, just enough to see what aera was doing. 

 he observed everything about her: the way her wavy hair fell at her waist with her bangs just above her eyes, her dimples as she smiled at a customer, the way the light reflected the gold off of her wire-rimmed glasses, her little clap she did when she'd successfully served a customer, and finally, the way she'd once in a while look back at him with the greatest look of concern in her eyes. 

she cares about you, he so desperately wanted to tell himself. but he just couldn't. 

he then looked the bagel and coffee she'd brought him earlier. of course, he always drank the coffee so she knew what he wanted, but it was the first time she's brought him food and he remembered her saying that it was because she never saw him get anything to eat. 

he knew that eating the bagel would please her, especially because she specially prepared it for him, but his head told him otherwise. 

don't eat it, you don't need it.  

unable to bear the overwhelming feelings, jaemin abruptly left, leaving a bewildered aera behind. as he walked home, his heart wrenched at the sight of a homeless man scavenging for food. jaemin did not hesitate before offering the man his uneaten bagel. 

"but you're so young!" the man exclaimed, shoving the food back towards jaemin. "you need it more than i do!"

jaemin chuckled, seeing how ironic the man's words were. "sir, with all due respect, you deserve some real food and not some scraps random throw at you through their window." 

the man, taken aback by jaemin's gesture, praised his benevolence, recognizing the purity in jaemin's heart.

despite the darkness clouding his mind, jaemin found solace in his innate kindness, a beacon of light in his tumultuous world.