espresso shot ; njm ✔️

35

"jaemin?" aera whispered, anxiety clawing at her as she approached the motionless figure on the bed. her panic eased slightly when she heard the soft, slow rhythm of his breathing. relief washed over her, but it was fleeting; his nose was red and his eyes puffy, telltale signs that he'd been crying. 

on the nightstand, an open bottle of pills and his phone displayed a discreetly taken picture of her dancing with donghyuck at a party. she looked back at jaemin, eyeing the bruises that littered the side of his face and choking back a sob. her fingers hovered over his cheek and suddenly she pulled him into her arms and let him cry it all out.

without hesitation, aera pulled jaemin into her arms, allowing him to cry against her chest.

"i'm sorry for not telling you," he hiccuped between sobs. "i didn't want anyone to know."

"i'm sorry for not noticing," aera replied, her own voice breaking, hugging him even tighter. "i should have paid more attention."

"no," jaemin said, shaking his head and looking up at her. "i should have just told you. i should have told you that i'm struggling and that i've been having a rough time and that i need help."

aera listened intently as jaemin poured out his heart, sharing everything besides the abuse he faced from his parents.

he wasn't ready for that, but he made a promise to himself that he would one day tell her. he made another promise that he wouldn't try to keep anything from her and that he would accept her help.

"how long has it been since you've eaten?" aera asked with a wary tone, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"two days."

"you haven't eaten anything in two days!" she exclaimed her heart breaking further. "you don't deserve that."

"it's a form of discipline," he explained. "discipline is important for development."

he recalled the first time he'd been told that phrase by his parents. he was only seven years old , sitting at the kitchen table with a math worksheet in front of him. long division had always been a struggle for him. his small hands gripped the pencil tightly, tears welling up in his eyes as he stared at the confusing numbers and lines.

"you won't get to eat dinner unless you finish the entire worksheet," his father spoke, standing over him with his arms crossed and face stern. 

"but, dad, i don't understand anything!" jaemin pleases, his voice trembling with frustration and fear. 

"dtop crying and focus," his father snapped. "discipline is important for development. you need to learn to solve your own problems."

jaemin's tears fell onto the paper, smudging the pencil marks. his stomach growled loudly, a painful reminder of his hunger. the more he struggled with the problems, the more hopeless he felt. each wrong answer earned him a scolding, which only became more brutal with each tear. 

"you're not going to get anywhere in life if you keep acting like this," his father admonished. "no dinner until you finish, and that's final."

hours passed, and the worksheet remained incomplete. jaemin's tears dried up, replaced by a numb acceptance of his fate. his mother walked by, glancing at him with a look that was devoid of empathy. "you heard your father," she said simply, offering no comfort or support.

as night fell, jaemin's stomach ached with hunger. he rested his head on the table, exhausted and defeated. the worksheet was still there, a cruel testament to his failure. eventually, he was sent to bed without dinner, the empty ache istill remaining in his stomach.

years later, the memory still haunted him, his father's words being a driving force for the rest of his life. 

"trust me," aera breathed out, placing a gentle kiss on his temple. "whatever it is that you're punishing yourself for, is not worth it. you need to eat in order to live."

"i don't want to live, but i don't want to die either."

aera cupped his cheeks, taking him a bit by surprise. "live for me?"

"i try to."

it broke aera's heart to see jaemin like this, especially when he was always trying to wear a smile for everyone around him. that's what made it hard to see that he needed someone to wear a smile for him too. he'd shared his with so many people to the point where he didn't even have one left for himself.

he was always doing things for others, and it made aera wonder if anyone did anything for him. this gave her an idea.

"will you eat if i feed you?"

jaemin nodded. he was willing to eat anything aera gave him because he knew it always came from her heart.

he followed her downstairs and watched as she cooked up a meal for him. it wasn't terribly large, but it would be enough to satiate him.

"i'm really proud of you," she told him after he ate it all.

from that day on, aera made it a routine to cook for jaemin. when she was too busy, she would drop off a smoothie with protein powder at his house to ensure he got his nutrients. on days when she had more time, she put extra effort into the presentation of the dishes to make them more appealing.

all in all, aera was very happy to see jaemin becoming healthier everyday and jaemin was even happier to have the girl he'd liked for so long care about him.