PERSONAL JUSTICE by Ramlee Awang Murshid

7

PETALING JAYA, SELANGOR, MALAYSIA

24 September - 5.45 a.m

DAILY activities began as soon as the subuh  prayers were called. The period between subuh and zuhur was most productive for tasks that require high concentration. While the time between zuhur and asar was right for easier tasks. Between asar and maghrib was the time to relax, interact and socialize. Maghrib to isyak was the time when families converge and where words of advices were exchanged. And so forth, the time between isyak and subuh was spent to pray and sleep.

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THIS morning, soon as he had concluded his subuh prayer, Hilman felt the need to look at his family album. He stared at Haslinda's, his late wife photo with sadness. He flipped the album page by page. Today, 24th September, would be exactly 19 years since Haslinda had died. This would also be Jeslina's 19th birthday.

Even when God had taken his beloved wife, He had also blessed Hilman with a beautiful daughter. Yet, is still hurt because all this time, Jeslina was cared for by his in-laws. Jeslina did not grow up under his care. Hilman just could not bring himself to protest when both in-laws insisted on looking after Jeslina. And what hurt most was his in-laws deliberate intentions to separate him from his daughter.

At first, Hilman was adamant not to give away Jeslina to them. However, he gave in to his in-laws incessant pleas. Since then, he only saw Jeslina once in a while. It was difficult to see Jeslina as his in-laws would always make some excuses. There were times when their excuses hurt him. Soon their feelings towards him turned cold. They even, directly, blamed Hilman for Haslinda's death. They told Hilman that he was not by Haslinda's side when she was expecting her baby. He was too occupied with his work. But, at the time, he was actually on a special operation to thwart a bank robbery in Serdang.

Unknowkingly, his tears dripped down his cheeks, trickled down his chin to finally, drop on Haslinda's face in the photo. Quickly, Hilman wiped the tears off the photo with his finger. He had really lost his wife and daughter now. His longing for them wrenched his heart.

He had seen Jeslina only a couple of times during the last 19 years. Even then, he was aided by his sister-in-law, Nor Alia. Both his parent-in-law had forbidden him to see his daughter. Once, his father-in-law threatened to bring the matter to court. He reasoned that Hilman was not capable to raise his daughter. He cited, among other things, that Hilman was physically and mwntally unstable, and that he had a high-risk career. Furthermore, Hilman could remarry and that would cause Jeslina to suffer in her stepmother's care while Datuk Harun was rich and highly placed that he could afford to give everything to his granddaughter. Just like 19 years ago when he handed Jeslina over to his parents-in-law, once again Hilman yeilded.

His own parents protested at his lenience toward Haslinda's family. He was too nice to his late wife's family. Both, Haji Imran and Hajah Fatimah longed to see their granddaughter whom they had not once met. They couldn't express their love to their only granddaughter. Yet, at the same time, they sympathized with Hilman who had to suffer so much for losing the two persons he loved most.

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HILMAN stayed single for the last 19 years. No woman was able to interest him. Thought he had lost his family, he remained committed to his duty. Maybe that was how he could escape from his misery. He worked hard to erase the sad memories he had endured for so long. 

Working his way up, Hilman rose from a lower rank until he was promoted to Assistant Superintendent of Police who was still assigned as a police sharp-shooter whenever the need arose.