Worth While

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"Who's that?" I ask him as his eyes darken from light green to moggy swamp water. Darkened with worry, something I can't quite understand why?

"It's me, Nathaniel" he says as his eyes meet mine for half a second with a glimmer of hope, "You have to remember me?" He says, almost asking me. The second those words slipped out of his mouth I knew he wanted my answer to desperately be yes, but I couldn't lie. And as the seconds left and I just nod my head, answering no as his eyes narrow to the floor, his glimmer of hope gone.

Strangely I felt like I remembered him, he looked familiar but so strange. As he stands there in silence and his eyes looking at the floor to avail the embarrassment in his eyes. Sadly his pain hurt me, I know it sounds crazy. But underneath all my suicidal thoughts and wishes I was still a person, maybe sometimes I forgot that. I'd built my walls up so high that I had no hope of anyone ever taming the dragon I called my heart, not after..........I can't even remember. Still, the look of sadness on his face chipped away little by little at that thing I called a heart.

"I can't remember anything, okay" I admit as his eyes meet mine as I see sincerity, but I remember something. It hurts so much more to ripped away from someone in the end than to hurt someone in the beginning, the only thing I carried with me now. I didn't ask myself how I knew it just abided by it. "I feel like a fish out of water if I'm going to be completely honest. "I DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY OWN FATHER!!!" I yell as I take a deep breath and gather myself again, "I don't know who you are and nothing against you personally but I don't like babysitters" I snicker as I walk out of the room. Maybe it was my infatuated ego but I couldn't handle him, his smell, his face his presence at all, I needed to get a grip on myself and quick.

 Maybe it was my infatuated ego but I couldn't handle him, his smell, his face his presence at all, I needed to get a grip on myself and quick

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"I don't like babysitters" she say as she sighs and pushes past me as she leaves the room and I sigh as she leaves. I couldn't take it!

I missed her, her presence, her plans, her brain, I missed all of her. The second I woke up to see I was again in a place I didn't seem to know I remembered only her. Her smile imprinted itself in my memories, but I remembered strangely everything that happened. She took a bullet for me, and lastly she admitted her love for me. Ever since I woke up a lot of things were foggy but her memory, her smile and her kiss kept me going in the last three days and the hope of finding her.

As I silently find my way downstairs and stop suddenly, I hear her. Her moving around in the kitchen and singing. I never thought she could get anymore perfect than what I knew but her voice, it was.......hypnotic. Something to hypnotize others with its smooth melody and rigid tone, something I just meet but now instantly loved. And as suddenly as it started it stopped, just like the clouds suddenly being blown away making room for the sun, it cleared.

As the silence grows concerning and suddenly I hear her gasp and silence looms in the air once again, and I couldn't wait any longer. " Damnit" I hear her say as suddenly I hear metal clank against the floor and I rush into the kitchen to see her clutching her palm, that dripping in blood, to her chest.

"What were you doing?" I ask her as I run to the kitchen drawers and open it and grab a towel and wrap it around her palm. "What happened?" I ask her as she grows silent and.

"I......I was......I don't know?" she stammers out her answer as confusion floods her eyes and it floods my brain. As she looks at me and I smile as I apply pressure as I'm holding her palm to my chest, trying to stop the bleeding. "I was cutting a apple, the knife slipped." She admits as I glare at her in silence as I continue to hold her bleeding palm. "You can check, I didn't do this on purpose!" she say as she raises her voice as I nod as she yanks her hand from my chest.

"Its a valid question" I say as she laugh as she turns around to face me and I can already tell by that nervous tick of hers, biting her lip, I was in for it.

"No! That's what you want to believe, I may be a suicidal train wreck but I'm a honest one. If I did this I would have told you with no remorse!" She snaps as I just stand there, taking her words. "I don't have time for people to sit here and judge me, believe me or don't! Hell if I care!" She shouts as she throws the blood soaked towel on me as she marched up the stairs and I sit on a kitchen chair, defeated

As hours passed and the darkness rolled around and I sit on the couch and suddenly the phone rings.

"Hello?" I answer as I hear a scruffy voice on the other line.

"Noah" I hear Francesca's dad on the other line as I take a deep breath and relax.

"Yes" I answer back in a frigid tone.

"I wanted to let you know I won't be home til eleven, work is running late and they extended my hours" he says as I nod.

"Of course" I reassure him, "We'll be fine" I says as he laughs and hangs up and for a little while I listen to the buzzing of silence on the other end and then I look at my phone and see it's 9:18 and it's already dark.

As I walk upstairs and stop at her door and I quietly lean forward and prop my ear up against the door and listen for her breathing, a sniffle, anything but instead I'm met with silence. Troubling echoes. As I twist the doorknob slowly and open it slowly as suddenly it creaks and I freeze. Frozen and wondering if she heard, and as I continue opening the door and I see her empty room my heart skips a beat. As I close my eyes and lean against her doorframe in anguish I listen, I hear a crash. Not from downstairs or the bedroom but the bathroom.

"FRANNIE!!" I scream as I run to the bathroom and kick the door in as I'm greeted with a empty bathroom but a open window, letting in a slight breeze. "What?" I whisper to myself as I, by the skin of my teeth, climb out the window and crawl onto the roof. As I feel it's rugged shingles cut my finger.

"I HATE YOU!!!" I hear a scream as I look up to see her standing there, throwing off tiny figurines to the pavement as I hear them meeting there end as they break from the impact.

"Fran" I say as she turns around and I see her, a part I've never seen. With mascara running down her face and her eyes lost in her own torture. "Don't jump" I say sincerely as I notice how close she is to the edge and she laughs.

"I'm Renee" she repeats that name that doesn't suit her. The one she keeps repeating time and time over trying to even convince herself but it didn't feel right, not to me.

"Just.........." I say as I look over the edge and plea, "Don't jump" I try to reassure her as she closes her eyes.

"Why shouldn't I?" She ask me as I try to walk closer to her and she slowly steps back and I freeze. "Because I have no one!" She shouts with anger in her voice but I know it's not anger, it's sadness. "My father only wants me with him because I'm the only thing that reminds him of her! I don't want to be a doll for the rest of my life!" She admits through a pained scream as she smiles through the pain and looks at me through her tears.

"I know" I say, trying to comfort her as she scoffs.

"Do you?" She ask me sarcastically as I take a deep breath, "Why are you here? Why do you want to live?" She ask me as my mind goes blank. "Because I really want to know" she admits as I fear what's about to come out of my mouth next.

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