Ephemeral

February 13, 2021 (part1)

[A/N: Trigger warning: please read with care. Some content may be unhealthy for some readers.

PS. I used English language in this story to practice my vocabulary. Should you notice some grammar errors, I'm very willing to be corrected. Teehee.]

Story begins here:

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February 13, 2021.

I woke up with an unusual feeling with a dream I couldn't remember as the sun rays were trying to get in from the tiny gap between my curtains. I looked at the time, it was already 8 o'clock in the morning.

Everyone was asleep when I arrived home last night. Something in me didn't want to come home and leave that hospital. I wanted to stay there longer, but I need to talk to dad to ask for help one more time.

I checked on my phone and it has Lily's message saying "Thank you so much, DJ..." I smiled, thinking if it was a thank you for the memories or a thank you for the kiss. Then I came back to reality.

I tilted my body facing the ceiling, covering my eyes with my arms. I stayed like that for a moment, until I decided to go to him once again. I went out my room and the sunshine was piercing brightly through the window. I saw dad sitting on the sofa.

I walked slowly, nervously and uttered "Dad..." upon reaching him. He looked at me and even before he could react, we heard Daniel shouted. It was because of his mom, it seems like she's nearing her labour.

"I thought she'll come next week?" Dad panicked and went straight to her, forgetting about me.

"I thought so, too." She answered painfully.

They went straight to the car and since the maids were on a day off, I was dragged along, bringing baby things they bought months ago. We arrived at the hospital 30 minutes later and as if we were some kind of VIP, my stepmom was assisted immediately. This is the second day of me being in another hospital wearing another set of PJ's.

Soon enough, my stepmom's sisters arrived, and it was too crowded inside the room that I decided to stay outside. I sat on the bench near my stepmom's room and leaned on the wall, wondering when and how to go home.

Soon enough, my father sat beside me and let out a sigh. He was giving off an old vibe, the vibe of the father I used to have.

He leaned on the wall as well and said, "I'm sorry."

I don't know what he's pertaining, whether it was a sorry for the past or sorry for he can't help me with my current request. Or what?

However, that two-word sentence he said, those were the words I've been waiting from him for a long time, and I'm not sure if I still want to hear it. Hearing it now just cut an old open wound deeper. Two words that brought back a lot of flashbacks and emotions at the same time. I always wanted to punch him in the face and now that I did it, I want to do it again.

"I'm sorry for blaming you when your mom died."

Isn't it too late for that now? I wanted to tell him those words, but I stopped myself and let him continue.

"I'm sorry for, you know, beating you and your mother back when my parents died. I- I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry"

I'm not sure if I would want to continue this conversation. I have endured a lot to forget those times and now, he's just bringing it up casually like it did not scarred me.

"But believe me or not, I regret those days. I'm sorry that I choose to play out with other women when stressed"

That was not a good thing either. But I think he should have said those to mom, not me.

"I was too caught up fixing myself that I forgot I have a family. I never realised that your mom was getting paranoid and was getting crazy for real. She still believes I'm beating her up when I don't. I wanted to fix everything but I can't bring myself to talk to you, you both are afraid of me. That's when I realised I just ruined our family."

I did not answer. I remembered when dad was trying to talk to me but mom dragged me away saying things like I'll only get beaten and that she'll protect me. I didn't realised that dad stopped doing it, I always thought mom was protecting me.

"Until that day, I forced her to talk to me, I wanted to bring her to the hospital to treat her but she thought I'm going to kill her. And she sneak out, causing her death." He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry that I put the blame on you when it was I, who failed."

I remained silent, waiting for him to continue his words and at the same time, blaming myself. It was my fault as well for not seeing the whole view. If I only did not tell her to escape... If only.

He also said what my stepmom told me yesterday and I know I'm guilty for closing my doors to them.

"Can we start anew?" He said.

"If you're really sorry then help me with Kimberly's heart transplant." I said firmly.

I was starting to see my stepmom and stepbro as a real family but right now, I couldn't care less. Saving Kimberly is what my mind currently is shouting for and I don't know what I'll do if I failed to do that.

"I told you yesterday I can't help her..." He paused, I was ready to throw a question but he continued right away "But the truth is I can. How can I not help someone who made my son knock on my office door once again?"

"Then why did you say you can't?"

"It was because I wanted you to get mad. Then maybe you'll start to hear us." It was the same as what my stepmom told me.

He stood up. "If the help you need for the transplant is for the payment,  which it looks like it is, it was already done." He walked two steps away and continued "Right after I stepped out of our house and before I went home yesterday, the office already processed your request. And her mom already claimed the medical assistance they need."

I felt so relieved that finally, Lily can have the transplant she needed. My mind was so busy rejoicing and before I knew it, dad was already inside my stepmom's room, and I'm alone outside, again.

Maybe that was the reason why Lily's mom took her time out, yesterday. Come to think of it, was her early text message a thank you for the medical assistance?

I grabbed my phone and texted Lily. "I want to wait outside the operating room on your transplant day."

I immediately received a response, "Arr you excoted? hihi" I smiled at the typo she sent, did she meant Are you excited? I was still thinking of what to reply when I received another message, again, with a lot of typos, "I'm kond'a nervous, though. I'l undergo the surgery the dsy after tomorrow. We're just wauting for the donor's heart that'll arrive the same dayy. Btw, thank you and your dad."

Maybe I should thank my dad, too.
Maybe he's right, we can start again.

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