Ephemeral

February 10, 2021

[A/N: Trigger warning: please read with care. Some content may be unhealthy for some readers.

PS. I used English language in this story to practice my vocabulary. Should you notice some grammar errors, I'm very willing to be corrected. Teehee.]

Story begins here:

~~~~

February 10, 2021.

Unlike my previous wake ups, today I wake up in a cotton cloud. I put up my blanket so that it'll cover my whole body as I recollect on how I was able to pull off my unplanned confession. It was just so sudden, I got carried away. It's the wind's fault for being so romantic.

I got no message from her and I didn't expect to receive one, either. She said she was limiting her phone usage and she almost never used it. They will still stay with their relatives for she don't know until when but she promised to make time to sneak out and meet me. I told her that she should ask permission or I could go there instead, but she insisted. But it's okay if she couldn't sneak out. I can wait until they're back.

For the first time after my mom's death, the happy face on the mirror I see every morning, today, it is finally real.

I attended my classes with a clear mind without forcing myself to be happy, although, I'm still an asshole at the back of my mind. But now, I could laugh my heart out. It felt like someone unlocked the chain that suffocating my heart. It feels surreal.

We got a half day class schedule today so I decided to head to the bridge. So if Lily could sneak out today, I'm at our usual hiding place.

On my way to the bridge, I heard a familiar bark. I turned around to see Xiuxiu wagging his tail and he was with some guy I don't know.

"Come now, Xiuxiu!" he commanded but Xiuxiu only fixed his gaze to me. The guy noticed it and faced me.

"It looked like he knew you..." The guy said.

He wore a sando, short shorts and a slippers. His getup and unbrushed hair suggested that he lives just around the area.

"Ah yeah..." I nodded scanning him from head to toe.

Why was Xiuxiu with him? Lily said he's with them. Is this guy some relatives?

"Great!" he said. "Come on now, buddy!" And he lifted up Xiuxiu and turned around.

"Ahm, Kimberly..." he stopped when he heard me. "Is she with you?"

I really don't know what to ask. Or if he was a relative or just a random friend who borrowed Xiuxiu. But she said, she doesn't have a friend and I'm the first, so he must be a relative or something.

"Oh Lily? She's still in the hospital... That poor girl." Then he caressed Xiuxiu's fur. "They left Xiuxiu under my care because dogs aren't allowed there."

My mind slowed down that it didn't processed any of the words he said. She was in the hospital? Why? It was the only voice I could hear, my voice inside.

The guy invited me to sit for a while as he said I looked pale. He introduced himself as Steel, Lily's cousin. He said Lily's condition was worsening. She would faint often due to lack of oxygen and in some medical explanation, some of her arteries are already blocked. At least, that was what I remember.

"Who are you by the way?" He looked like an overprotective cousin.
"I'm DJ and Lily is my special friend..."

I thought he'll not give me the hospital address but after I said that she's special to me, and some background of our story, he gave the address and the room number. Of course, I didn't mention the almost-kiss.

I immediately grabbed a taxi to go to her. I want to see her. I badly want to see her and hear that she's getting well.

Why didn't she tell me? She can read my thoughts when something's bothering me but why didn't I realised she was suffering, too? Why didn't I notice? She was always walking slowly, she often catches her breath. Why didn't I notice?

Maybe I know why, because she was lying - she was always smiling... The most common lie.

I hurried to the room her cousin said and saw her name pinned on the door.

I took a deep breath before opening the door slowly. I saw Kimberly, she was in a patient gown with oxygen hose, staring blankly at the window.

The opening door sound was loud even with slow way of opening, so I'm not sure if she ignored the fact that someone just went in her room or she was just so preoccupied to notice.

I slowly went near her, thinking the right words to say to her once she noticed I arrived.

She finally moved her head to see who came in and our eyes locked. She's crying. She stared at me and I could see her startle. She immediately wiped her tears and forced a laugh and uttered, "DJ, you're here..."

I didn't speak. I don't know what to say. I kept my eyes locked on her as I searched for something I can say to reassure her.

"Are you angry?" she said. I'm not angry, it was my resting bitch face controlling over.

Just then, her mom arrived. She said I can bring her on the garden to have some stroll. And so I did. We strolled along the hospital garden as I pushed Lily's wheelchair. It was filled with flowers.

The color coded flower division, vibrant greenery, shaded places to sit and walk, and small birds and butterflies flying around made the garden relaxing. No wonder why sick people in books find their comfort strolling here whenever they were hospitalized.

I parked Lily's wheelchair near the bench beside a small bird fountain, so I can sit beside her.

"There are bougainvillea division in that part..." She excitedly said and continued to point out her favorite spots in the hospital garden.

Again, she's smiling.

"Are you really happy?" I asked.

"I am." She said taken aback from my question.

"Then why are you crying back there?"

"Because I'm in pain?" She paused and looked at me. "But that doesn't mean that I'm faking my smiles and that I'm not genuinely happy. I am. I'm happy being alive."

She smiled at me and this garden just created magic as the butterflies decided to fly around behind her. She looked like an enchantress with her black shining hair and colorful butterflies dawdled in her tracks like it was some kind of mandatory. An enchantress in a hospital gown, tho.

I stared at her for a minute or so and finally uttered "You'll be fine... I'm here." as I showed my gentlest genuine smile I could give and reached out for her hand and squeezed it.

"That smile looks good on you." She grinned.

This smile only exist when I'm with you. I wanted to tell her that but it sounded like some old geezer's cheesy pick up lines.

And so, I decided to say, "When you recover, I'll take you to the restaurant my mom used to love, they serve the best pasta in town, so make sure to get well soon." and pat her head with my other hand.

We watched as the nighlight chased down the daylight and the night breeze took over. I decided to bring her back to her room as she insisted I should go back home, too.

I offered to lift her up her bed but she whined saying she could do it by herself, so I just decided to arranged the blanket for her and cover it around her legs after she sat. Whilst her mom went out of the room for a moment to grab some dinner.

"I'll get going." I said and kissed her forehead, holding both of her cheeks.

I'm already out of the room and the door is already closed when I realised that I'm slowly becoming a romantic human, stepping on love petals and flying along with the love notes. This feeling tingles me on my belly.

Who would have thought that this is the same suicidal loony, back there?

* * *