Lifeless / error sequal

3

c h a p t e r  3 :
a r t   c l a s s

Art class.

It was probably the most difficult class I had to go through. I tried concentrating on my work, I really did. I couldn't afford to look around me, because any corner or thing I focused on made me think of River.

The way his deep blue eyes had pierced into mine for the first time in this room. How we had our first conversation in this room. Just everything made me think of those delicate memories of him. His warm touch on my skin, the way he smirked, the way he cared about me and the way he layed lifeless on the floor....

I shut my eyes.

My hands had formed fists, my nails digging way too deep into my hand palms. This time I didn't pull back, I let them dig all the way. I ignored the pain, it somehow didn't seem painfull anymore, more like I deserved it. I deserved it for thinking about that night again.

stop angel

His deep voice echoed through me, I knew something was really wrong with me when I started to hear his voice in my head. Yet for a second, I enjoyed it. However it didn't last long, I reopened my eyes, I released my nails from my skin when I realised I was about to lose control even more then I already did. I knew my hands were bleeding, yet I made sure no one would suspect a thing.

I stood up, my art teacher eying my with one eyebrow raised.

'I-I don't feel that well.'

I didn't wait for his answer, or even a nod. I just turned around, my steps loud and fast while my hands grasped for the door handle. I left the room as fast as I could before I was about to have a mentall breakdown right there and then.

Instead, I started heading towards the bathrooms. I had to clean up my hands, and calm myself down a little. This stuff happened almost every day, much more when I was at school then at home. I haven't been able to survive one whole Art class without skipping it or leaving right in the middle of the lesson. My teacher had gotten used to it by now, hence why he didn't even say anything when I left the classroom.

When I make my way inside of one of the toilets cabines, I sit down, grabbing my airpods. I needed to listen to some music and close myself off from the world even more. I looked down for a second, placing my hand into my forehead and leaning fruther in. I tried calming but it became difficult when all I could see was him whenever I closed my eyes.

'God how I miss you.'

I whispered while my eyes traveled down my bruised hands. It was bleeding, hard. I sighed. I could bearly walk anymore, my head was hurting all the fucking time, I felt like I was death. This wasn't life anymore.

A life not worth living anymore.

I am only alive right now for other people, not for me. I was lifeless with a life. I didn't want to hurt like this anymore, believe me I didn't. I just wanted to be happy, and with River I had found that happynes. I had every chance and opportunity to be happy, yet here I am, starving and harming myself to the bone.

I stood up, way too fast, my hand gripping the door handle. I felt so nauseous, I could throw up any moment now. I removed my airpods, and put my hands onto my stomach. It felt as if nothing was left of me, I needed to go home right now.

Finally when I didn't feel like throwing up anymore, I walked out of the cabine, heading for the main door of the building. The hallways were empty and it was dead silent as everyone was still in class. I walked, slowly towards the exit. My body felt heavy all of a sudden and I couldn't walk any faster. I felt like I would never arrive at the doors that lead outside.

'Angel ?'

I turned around, spotting Zar West. A friend of River, I remember the night I first met him and his sister Neomi. I never thought our next conversation would be like this, in this situation with these circumstances. I didn't have the energy to answer him, he seemed to notice as he furrows his eyebrows. He had just walked out of his class, most likely heading towards the bathroom as well.

Suddenly the nauseous feelings returned and in an instant I grabbed my belly, pain written all over my face. I was in so much fucking pain right now. Zar noticed and started walking towards me, with a serious worried expression. My gazer became blurry all of a sudden and I could bearly see him anymore. I tried grabbing onto something but there was nothing close to me.

I stumbled back a little when finally, my knees gave up on me and I hit the ground, my mind dozing off completely.

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