Lifeless / error sequal

1

c h a p t e r   1 :
f o r e v e r

forever

I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much you hold on to something that makes you happy, it won't last forever. Nothing does. I have learned that the hard way. There is always something, a person, a past mistake, it doesn't matter. Life will take your happiness away.

In my case, it was death that took my happiness away.

We laughed, talked and argued. But most importantly we loved dearly, oh we did.

But apparently that love wasn't enough. Nothing could stop death from taking away the most important person in your life.

The light to my darkness.

That's who River West was.

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'Angel.'

My dad sighs looking down for a second before speaking again 'it's your favorite, please at least just eat a little.'

Everyone was counting on me. They thought that if they gave me time, I would recover from the horrible events. They were wrong. It has been exactly six months now, and nothing changed. I looked into the distance, my eyes a little glazy and my sight becomes messy.

My grandmother was sitting besides me. She had made my favourite food, and almosy spend half the day on it. It was a shame that I didn't take one single bite of it, but as you may have noticed right now. I didn't have any appetite, any dreams, any goals or anything I want.

There is only one thing I ever wanted.

The only thing I couldn't have, anymore.

I stay silent while both my father and grandma look at me. They are worried, I would be too if I saw myself like this. I had lost weight, a lot of it. I was now severely under weight, depressed and my mind is only filled with very harmful thoughts.

'Hunnie please.'

I finally snap, my head shooting into the direction where my grandma is sitting.

'I don't wanna fucking it.'

She sighs, clearly hurt as she lowers her head. My dad is mad at me, I know that well enough. He is containing himself because right now his scolding is the last thing I need.

I stand up, my entire body weak and drained from bearly getting any nutrition. I make my way upstairs, I grab my grey hoodie wich is actually River's. My eyes fill with tears again as I smell his scent when putting on the hoodie.

'I can't live like this anymore.'

I whisper rather to the hoodie then to myself. I knew he heard me. I knew he was hurting because of me, because of what happened with me. But I couldn't get it together, I just couldn't.

Every single thing reminded me of him. He was what I thought of when I woke up, he was the reason of my sleepless nights, his face and his smile. I close my eyes for a brief moment, taking in the smell of him.

The scenery of my laying on his chest when he had past away in my arms, comes back slowly. I remember every single detail of that night. How I went from the most happiest girl on the planet to a heartbroken little girl, locked up in her own dark thoughts.

I wish things were different

Love does exist, it's just better if you don't have anyone you love. Because the moment something happens to them, part of you will die inside.

I force myself to stop crying, my eyes were tired from the endless tears, my head ached and my entire body had been sore for months now. Every day was the same, everything returned to how it had been before the day I looked into his eyes for the first time. I look back at it now with so many regrets. My life was peaceful and most of all I was happy, maybe not all the time, maybe I was struggling with a few things but at least I was in some ways happy.

My life was back to how it had been without River. Only now, I felt nothing but emptyness eating me from the inside untill there is nothing left.

I grabbed my black puffer, putting it over my hoodie, his hoodie. I sigh, my hands formed fists, and I closed my eyes breefly, I just stood there breathing in and out deeply to calm myself down a little before heading downstairs.

One day, I will be able to live how I used to live, without him. But that day was not today. I turned around, opening my door slowly so that it was almost inaudible. My steps were soft and I walked towards the stairs wanting to head downstairs when suddenly I heard a door behind me open. I didn't bother turning around to see whoever was standing behind me now. Instead I took a step down the stairs.

'Angel ?'

I had to face her eventually. My eyes fell onto Sophia, my sister standing right in front of her door. She moved in not long after he passed away. She was broken from it as well, but she made efforts to get better and get over it. She looked healthy again, full of live and goals with big dreams, I wish I could say the same.

'I was just leaving' I didn't know what else to say, I didn't care as well.

'oh' she seemed disappointed at my lack of wanting to speak to her as we literally lived in the same house 'where are you heading ?'

'Not important' I just nod, not having the energy to smile at her.

'Oh okay' she looked down for a second and I took that opportunity to head down the stairs 'have fun' she quickly adds and I just mumble a 'thanks'. I knew it was rude of me to behave like that towards her. She had been through a lot, and she was my half sister after all. I finally had someone, a sibling and this was my time to get to know her, my time to keep up with everything we missed from eachother live's. Yet here I was, ignoring her all day, and bearly speaking to her. Part of me knew I was hurting her feelings like that, but the bigger part just couldn't find the energy to have interest in anything anymore.

I didn't bother letting my dad know I was leaving, he got used to it already. I quickly slid into my air forces, not bothering to even look at myself in the mirror.

Once I opened the door, the cold winter breeze welcomed me. I somehow enjoed the way my cheecks and nose felt so cold, I knew they had became red by now. I made my way through the tick layer of snow, it hadn't snowed this much in forever, last year there wasn't even any snow.

I unlocked my car, my dad had gifted me my dream car for my eighteenth birthday, a matt black g wagon. Just as I wanted, he did everything, he tried so hard to get me to smile the same way I used to, yet failed every time. I just couldn't anymore.

I slid into the comfortable front seat, while turning on the engine. The car roared to live and not long after I drove away with my music playing on maximum volume.

Music and my father were the only things keeping me sane right now.

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