Lifeless / error sequal

9

c h a p t e r 9:
t h e r a p h y

My first therapy lesson, I sighed.

To say I was nervous, was an understatement. My hands were even trembling a little. I was more nervous for this then I had been about school and everything before. Maybe it's because I never went to therapy, and talking about my personal problems with someone I do not know in the slightest does scare me a little.

However almost everyone here seemed to enjoy going to therapy. Especially Alyssa who said it had helped her a lot, she felt like she could be away from reality and get to know herself more. I wondered how miss Capaldi would be, how she would think of me and wheter or not I was ready to tell her everything.

I had to open up about something so serious, a big part of my life.

I finally arrived at her office, at first I hesitated to even enter. But I forced myself not to walk away from my problems, not this time. My dad's words lingered in my mind.

what would River say about this ?

He would want me to be happy, and work for myself. Focus on myself and make myself happy again. Fight for me.

I knocked.

The door opened not long after, revealing a woman about the same height as me. She was a lot chubbier, and has short red hair, her eyes were a beautiful shade of green. She looked at me through her black glasses.

'Good evening Angel, you can come in.'

'Goodevening Miss.'

'Ann please.'

'Ann' I smiled at her while sitting down. Her office was very cozy looking. It immediately gave me this welcoming feeling. The room was pretty big for an office, she had a desk filled with papers, behind it a big chair and many racks all filled with different types of books. On the other side of the room, there were two blue couches, with smaller one's on the side, a beige carpet and a small table filled with some snacks.

She offered me some but I kindly declined.

She sat down on the coach, facing my fully. Her eyes roamed over me for a split second, taking in my appearance.

'So Angel' she took the blocknote and pen that calmly rested on the table in between us. 'You have been here for only three days.'

I tried relaxing in my seat but misreably failed at that.

'Yes.'

'How do you like it here so far ?'

'It's strangely really comforting to stay here' I said honestly 'I thought I wouldn't like it as much as I do.'

'That's good to hear' she wrote something down, but I couldn't see what exactly.

'Your sister, Sophia went here as well, for a very long time. Do you think it did her any good ?'

'I uh..I only found out she was my sister a few months ago' I was playing with my fingers nervously 'but she told me that it made her a stronger person and she had many happy memories here.'

'You only know you had a sister for over a half year. Is that correct ?'

'Yes' my mind drifted back to the first time I had visited greenpeace 'I found out by accident.'

'By accident ? Are you okay with maybe telling me how that went ?'

I wasn't, I know I wasn't. But I promised my dad I would try, try getting better. And the first step to that is by opening up to people, and letting them help me. Because I needed help. I had to try, try for him.

So I sat in a more comfortable position, relaxing my back and leaning back.

'I went to greenpeace for the first time that day, the day I saw Sophia for the first was the day she told me' I released a breath 'but the reason I went there in the first place because of something else.'

'Something else ?'

'Someone else actually' I started shivering a little 'h-his name was River' I had difficulty saying all of this out loud 'it's because of him, because of h-his death...'

'Angel' she held up her hand watching me in the current state I was in, by now she had wrote down a few things 'I don't want you to tell me anything if that makes you uncomfortable' I nod a little 'I don't want to force you into anything, you tell me whatever you want to tell me.'

'I-I know no one's forcing me' I inhaled and outhaled, looking up from my hands 'I just need to start from the beginning...so that you can understand and help me' I looked out of the window for a second, it had gotten darker already 'I want to be happy again.'

'I will do everything I can, but sadly I cannot do much if you won't try yourself to become the best version of yourself, find you happiness again.'

'The thing is, River West was my happiness. He was my light in the darkness, the darkness that was caused after my mother passed away' I inhale and exhale slowly 'so to help myself, I have to start at the beginning' with trembling hands I look up at her 'I was fifteen when I found out my mother had leukemia.'

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