My Beautiful Life

The Fight

The Doctors had no answers as to why or how Lucas got sick, All we knew is that the road was not going to be easy, not by a long shot. Doctors appointments, Chemo therapy,  radiation treatments.... Why in the Hell did it have to happen to My Sweet Lucas, My Husband.  Lucas hated the radiation treatments, and I knew it. But he had to have them, to try and get better. I wanted my husband back to Normal; I wanted him to not be sick all the time. but it was inevitable. Nothing could ever make my husband like he was before this sickness took over his life. Our Life was progressing and ever slowly changing; and Nothing was ever the same after that first treatment. I remember it so well, like it was yesterday... My Husband was so very sick and he was supposed to go into work that day; but suddenly at 3 AM, I woke up to the sound of violent retching. I bolted from the bed and rushed to his side of the bed with a bucket, "I am so sorry Sophia; You shouldn't have to do this. why don't you take me to the doctor?" Lucas said as he wiped his mouth after he had vomited into the bucket. Listening to Lucas, I shook my head lightly as a tear fell against his arm."Remember Our Vows? In Sickness and In Health. I am with you in this no matter what! Lucas, You are My Husband. Not Just another Patient in a hospital.. I wanted you Here with me, In Our Home where you are comfortable and I can look after you. I Love you" I whispered to him as I helped him to lean back against the pillows. Lucas just looked at me with love in his eyes."I know you want to do what's best for me Darling. But the doctors do too. I Love You Too Soph." Lucas replied gently running his fingers through my hair. I tried to think positive thoughts, but my mind kept swirling around what the doctors had said about making a Will. Since Lucas's diagnosis, Both our parent's had moved closer to us and it was easier because I could make preparations  for Our Baby Girl's coming Arrival, and we could all go visit Lucas in the hospital and have a support system as everything progressed faster than we thought.

The Doctor over Lucas's case kept telling me that I needed to get funeral arrangements in order; I wanted to scream, Cry and punch him at that moment! My Husband was still Alive!! Stop talking about arrangements like he isn't alive! I felt like I was trapped in a dark Cave in The Forest waiting for something to strike and kill me!  "Do Not Tell Me To Get Funeral Arrangements ready when My Husband Is NOT Dead!! Can't you see we are already hurting as it is? Can't you See This is NOT the End for My Husband??" I screamed at the Doctor as I sunk to the floor and cried as I held My stomach. I didn't want to lose my Husband, I Loved Him and he needed to be here for when our Baby was born.

My Entire world was collapsing as I felt truly Alone, I wasn't alone at all. But in that moment I felt like No one could Help us. I felt as though Nobody knew what I was going through as my Husband withered away right before my eyes. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like an elephant was sitting on my chest.... My Husband was truly Dying and I could do nothing about it. Tears streamed down my face as his prognosis turned from good to worse in a matter of hours. I went to his room and asked everyone to leave so I could have a few minutes alone with him, They said their goodbyes and left the room. I went to sit by his bed, gently grasping his hand in mine as I looked at him and placed his hand on My growing stomach; I felt the baby kick and so did he."Evelyn. Name her Evelyn Marie Blake." Lucas rasped as he smiled at me with tears in his eyes and I leaned down to kiss him tenderly. "I Love You So Very Much Lucas Blake. Our Daughter will be named Evelyn Marie; She will be so Loved and Know that Her Daddy loved her very much! I will make sure of it." I whispered as I caressed his cheek and kissed him again gently. I felt him kiss me back lovingly, and than all of a sudden He coded! The door swung open and a flurry of Doctors and Nurses rushed me out of the room as I burst into tears and tried to stay with My Husband one last time.