Once Upon A Prostitute

CHAPTER 5 - GIRL IN THE MIRROR

Journal entry
I take it back. Fate is not trying to balance out anything. Fate is a bitch!

Seems like Saturdays are the busy days at the diner. People just stop by on their way from the park, mall, or wherever they went off to hang out. It's a full house but I've been working like a robot all day. My limbs are smart enough to carry out the usual motor functions but my mind is far away. I feel homesick, guilty, depressed, worthless, and a whole lot of other feelings I don't have a name for yet. While my nights are filled with dreams of my folly and terrors of the ring, my mornings are filled with self-loathing and regrets. Deep down, I long to speak to my dad, but I can't. Asides the fact that I still don't have a phone, I can't even face him right now. I'm too ashamed. After everything I did, I need to make things right, better. Something good has to come out of all of this. The problem is I have no idea how.

'Mina are you okay?' Eve asks as I load another tray with pastries from the oven. Of course, her detective eyes notice everything, even a sullen mood. Today, I have not said more than two words that aren't absolutely necessary.

''Your brooding level is sub zero today'', Matt quips. He is kneading dough on the kitchen counter for another batch of cookies.

"Well...?" Eve raises an eyebrow, looking at me.

"I'm fine", I force a smile on my face. "Just feeling a little tired, that's all"

"You see why you should three meals a day? I keep telling you to eat and you keep saying you're fine." She scolds. She puts a burger on a plate and pushes it in my direction. "Eat." She commands, "you're too skinny to be on a diet".

I smile, a little more genuinely this time. "Thank you, ma'am"

She takes the tray of pastries from of me and heads to the customer's area. I stare at the burger. It looks yummy and nutritious, but I doubt I can eat it. My appetite has been non-existent, even the thought of stomaching anything makes me nauseous. Still, I take it up. Eve would probably stand beside me and watch me eat it if I make a fuss.

"And remember your performance starts this Monday." Matt adds, cutting through my thoughts. "Those flyers on the counter attest to that. You have to be on your A-game Miss Jaja.''

Matt printed these flyers with bold letters that read - MUSIC AGAIN AT EVE'S CORNER. It has so many colours that makes it look like a spiral rainbow. I cringed the first time I saw it. Everyone is excited about it though. I am nervous as hell.

I chuckled dryly. "Yeah, yeah, I hear you Mr. Greenwood".

He rolls up a piece of dough and throws in my direction. It lands right on my forehead just as Eve re-enters the kitchen. No...he did not just do that. Matt is grinning like he just hit the centre of a dart board. Well, wait for it dumbass. I picked up the dough to throw back.

"No no, no fights in my kitchen'', Eve warns.

"He started it". I say pointing to Matt who is still grinning.

"And you don't have to finish it." She eyes the burger still in my other hand. "Go, take a break and eat, I'd take over here."

I palm the burger in both hands as I walk to the back office. Eve had partitioned the large extra room in the diner to create two offices. I and Matt share the outer one. It is where we keep our belongings, take our breaks, and put our feet up for a few minutes. The inner one is for Eve and is well set up as a real office with a desk, computer, and shelf of books.

I place the burger on the table and sit on the chair. I rest my elbows on the table and massage my temples before covering my face with both hands. Fuck my life. I need a time machine. I need to do the last nine months over.